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What's in a Name?
How Do You Want to Label Your Child?
By Gwen Kopetzky
Is there anything more exciting and more terrifying than picking a name for your baby?
Just think of the importance of that one seemingly small decision. You slap the right moniker on your offspring and people hear your boy's name and instantly think of success or brute strength. They hear your girl's name and are reminded of the scent of roses or a soft melody.
Burden a child with the wrong label and he'll forever hear his name shouted across the playground in those little sing-song voices that kids have when they are being truly ruthless.
It's amazing that, given the life-long impact of such a decision, we don't have a more scientific process for choosing children's names. Well, some families do, I guess. Cyril Kennedy II will spawn Cyril Kennedy III. That's easy. But that's really math, not science. For the rest of you left with the daunting task of naming your baby, here's a checklist to help you weed out the losers.
Start with your big baby name book. Then go through with a big felt marker and cross out:
- Old boyfriends, girlfriends and ex-spouses. I guarantee your significant other will not want to hear you EVER, EVER say the words "I love you ... " followed by the name of one of your old flames. Spare yourself this experience.
- Bratty cousins or overbearing aunts. For safety's sake, I suggest tossing out most family first names unless you like the whole "junior" naming tradition. Even if you really, really like a relative, naming your child after one relative will just cause another jealous relative to start shrinking your Christmas list in retaliation. Middle names do not appear to raise as much ire.
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