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Home › Articles › Labor Preparation › A Partner in Birth

A Partner in Birth

The Single Mother's Guide to Choosing a Birthing Coach

By Kelly Burgess

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There are a lot of decisions to make if you're a single woman expecting a child, but probably the first really important one is finding a birth coach. While the father, if he's willing and available, is an obvious choice, he may not be the best choice. And, if he's not willing or available, it's important to find someone who can fill what is going to be a key role in your and your baby's lives.

Some women may feel most comfortable with their mother or best friend. Others may prefer a trained professional, such as a birth doula, to be at their side and be their liaison with the medical staff. What's most important is that it be someone who will focus only on you, because this is a time that's all about you.

 

The Me Factor
Penny Simkin is a Seattle-based doula, childbirth educator and the author of several books on pregnancy and childbirth, including The Birth Partner (Harvard Common Press, 2001). She says a laboring woman has to be totally and completely selfish and should consider only one factor when choosing a birth coach: What can they do for me?

"A single mother often is considering a particular person like her sister or mother or boyfriend, because they want to be there," says Simkin. "But what she should be asking herself is what this person can do for her. In other words, what qualities does that person possess? Does she have a sense of calm or a good knowledge of the process? If she realizes she's allowing that person to be her birth coach because that person wants it rather than for herself, she needs to reevaluate her decisions. This is the time to be selfish."


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