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Houseguests and Newborns

Getting Help without the Hassle

By Katherine Bontrager

Pandya's experience left her with wonderful memories and helped forge a bond between her daughters and their grandmother and aunt. But she was also very fortunate in her experience. While houseguests can be the supportive, extra set of hands you need so desperately, they can also prove to be needy, demanding and overly hands-on, at the cost of your peace of mind.

Such was the experience for Sharon Mullen, the founder of Inventive Parent. Frustrations with breast milk that accidentally went bad and a related bout of upset stomach for her newborn had Mullen admittedly on edge when a well-meaning family member took care of her new son.

"My experience suggests that houseguests are not a good idea unless the new mom, dad, children and pets all get along very well with the guests, all share theories and ideas on how to take care of a new baby, and the guests not only take care of themselves, but are of considerable service to the new parents or older siblings," Mullen says.

The New Hampshire mom says a guest who can take care of the baby when the parent wishes to give it up can be a blessing, but that degree of control can be difficult to find. "I think that the best would be a houseguest who only shows up when needed and stays somewhere else the rest of the time," says Mullen. "This isn't the time to visit or take pictures to show the friends back home."

Lolita Carrico, founder of Modernmom.com, had a similar experience with houseguests. "When my first son was born, we hd family members from both my and my husband's sides arrive ... some even in the days before my due date," she says. "The hospital and then our home seemed to host a constant stream of guests. It was incredibly overwhelming. Some were very considerate and called first, but then others would just barge in and stay for hours. Although it was sometimes helpful to have extra, loving hands around, I wasn't effective in communicating when I wanted some time alone with my new son."

With their second son, Carrico and her husband were much more prepared. The family let loved ones know that they'd be thrilled to have visitors, but to please call first to check if it's a good time. In addition, the couple made up a list of nearby hotels in a variety of price ranges.

"We made it politely clear that again, while we'd be thrilled to have them visit, we thought it would be too overwhelming – for us, the baby and, most importantly, our older son – if there were guests in our home," she says. "We also prepared a short list of local events and activities that would keep them entertained so they weren't left without anything to do when we wanted time alone with the new baby. The system worked out very well. We had plenty of time to spend with the visiting relatives (and they had plenty of time with the baby) and had a good amount of time getting to know Jack, getting acclimated and resting."

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