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Sisterhood of Motherhood

A Letter from One Mom to All Expectant Mothers

By Gwen Kopetzky

Dear friend:

I am so excited to hear that you are expecting! I am thrilled to think of the joy that I know becoming a mother will bring you, as it has brought me. I hope that we will be able to share our experiences as mothers and to grow our friendship as we watch our little ones grow up together.

It wasn't long ago that I was like you, looking at my mommy friends and wondering what it would mean to join the sisterhood of motherhood. Although the thought might excite you, I can also imagine that there is a little of the fear of the unknown overshadowing your happiness. What will they expect of you as a new mother? How should you react?

Let me, a seasoned member of the sisterhood, show you the lay of the land from the thousand-miles-up view.

Expect words of wisdom from all corners. If you've told even a soul you're pregnant, you know this indisputable truth already: Everyone has an opinion on parenting. And many women fancy themselves experts on the vocation once they have a year or two of experience behind them. You can expect to get advice on everything from what kind of lotion to slather on your abdomen to avoid stretch marks, to whether to go for drugs at childbirth, breastfeeding tips and more. It's hard at first not to take offense. You may begin to wonder if you're getting an unusually prolific offering of advice because your mommy friends somehow think you are uniquely unprepared to care for a baby. Put that thought aside right now. This is what we do for each other. With the best of intentions, we try to point out the struggles we went through to steer you around and help you avoid the same. Get used to it, because it doesn't end after the baby years.

Guard your privacy. Now, there's an acceptable type of advice and the kind of advice that just goes too far. If you start being bombarded with unwanted advice about preparing your body for childbirth, relations with your husband afterward and other topics that invade areas you'd rather not make public, you need to let your mommy friends know. Each woman has a different comfort level when it comes to sharing personal information. Somehow those lines get blurred when you become pregnant. You know this if you've had an absolute stranger come up in the elevator and pat your blooming belly. But you have the right to draw the line when it gets too personal -- with your friends, your family and everyone else.

Want to see more?

• First Time Pregnant Discussion Board
• The Perfect Family
• How to be Pregnant and Proud