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Single By Choice

Choosing Single Motherhood Part Two

By Virginia Gilbert

Although Theresa and her boyfriend share financial support of their daughter, Sophia, 3 c months, they didn't plan on having a child together and aren't sure whether they'll marry.

Theresa, 29, was fortunate to be able to afford a large Victorian house for herself and her daughter. She also had enough savings to quit her job and embark on a more creative venture -- painting. Theresa speculates that in the near future she will rely on her business background to support her child, but hopes to work from home.

"I'm definitely trying to plan a work space that allows me to be flexible. I have friends who want to start businesses and I feel that if I do start a company with other people I can design the kind of job that would give me flexibility."

For Theresa, the most surprising and positive element of her pregnancy was the validation she received from slightly older women.

"People my age were focussing much more on a relationship, where women in their 40s focussed on the mother-child relationship," says Theresa. "Some of these women were divorced and single now, or remarried, and seemed to think it wasn't necessary to have the father around. Sometimes the dads were not that helpful and required so much attention ... it had been exhausting for these women to balance attention between their baby and their husband."

Theresa feels that the best thing single expectant moms can do is line up support people. "Know who's going to be there for you, and when they say they're going to be there, be sure they mean it and take them up on it." During her own pregnancy, Theresa relied on "five to seven" people for emotional support. Her mother, who was "ecstatic" about her first grandchild, was with Theresa in the delivery room and acted as her doula for six weeks, cooking, cleaning and even providing lactation tips.

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