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Home › Articles › Fatherhood › All Ears

All Ears

5 Tips for Being a Better Listener

By I.J. Schecter

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A woman carrying a baby has many of the same needs as a baby itself. She needs you around the clock. She benefits from constant attention and reassurance. And sometimes she might just need you to listen to her. The best way to be an effective caregiver is to listen well, allowing you to better anticipate and attend to her needs.

Here are 5 cardinal principles of listening to help you improve your listening skills:

1. Listen Actively
Tom Blake, co-author of Championship Selling: A Blueprint for Winning With Today's Customer (John Wiley & Sons, 2005), describes two kinds of listening: "The kind where the listener hears a string of words coming out of a speaker's mouth and the kind where the listener actively processes the information contained in those words." As men, we usually have a lot to say, and we're usually anxious to say it. Try to suppress this instinct in order to better concentrate on what she's saying, rather than what you're waiting to say.

For example: She asks whether you think it's a good idea to start investigating tax benefits for new parents. You nod as she continues. Later, when she brings up the discussion again, you can't quite remember what she's referring to, because, you now realize, you were replaying game six of the 2004 World Series in your head at the time. The next time she starts talking, heighten your focus. Make a mental to-do list. Memorize keywords to remember the most important parts of the discussion.

2. Put Aside Your Own Agenda
"The more you are bound by your own agenda, the more you block yourself from listening," says Blake. Remember, the objective of a discussion is to determine the best solution, not to emerge the victor. "Winning" an argument may offer temporary satisfaction, but finding a mutually agreeable solution produces enduring value and reciprocal gratification.


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