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Suddenly Single

Dealing with a Breakup
During Pregnancy

By Lisa A. Goldstein

Diane Danielson of Cohasset, Mass., wasn't feeling well, but attributed it to stress. After all, she and her husband were talking about divorce. Then she found out she was nearly 3 months pregnant. Divorced by the time her only child was born, she knows all too well what it's like to deal with a breakup during a pregnancy.

"My biggest coping mechanism was denial [of the pregnancy]," Danielson says. "I hid the whole thing until I was almost 6 months pregnant – the guys at work just thought I was porking out because of the divorce."

• Distract yourself with "non-negotiable passions" – something that can't be taken away from you that's so absorbing that you can block out all the "noise" at least a few times a week. For Danielson, that was work and sports.
• Pamper yourself. Danielson got her hair done and bought some nice maternity clothes for work, "because one of the hardest things was that no one was around who was required to tell me I was still the same beautiful person I always was," she says.
• Surround yourself with positive people.
• Stop being afraid to ask for help.
• In a divorce situation, get the best lawyer you can possibly afford. "Best thing I could have ever done," Danielson says. "Not only did it allow me to focus on my 'non-negotiable passions,' he got stuff for me (sole physical custody, health insurance, etc.) that I never would have imagined I could get and that would be more helpful to me down the road."

Want to see more?

• Toddler Transfer: Easing Visitation for
  Children After Divorce
• Stress and the Single Mom: Ways to Relieve Your Tension
• A Shoulder to Lean On: The Need for Social Support
  During Pregnancy
• Check out our Article Library.
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