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Embracing an Unplanned Pregnancy

A Real-life Guide to Overcoming the Unexpected

By Jacqueline Rupp

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One of the keys of success is seeking support. This can be as simple as a daily chat with your mom or best girlfriend and go as far as in-depth counseling. You can really never have too much positive support, so get creative and make the connections that will help you. "Understand that there are so very many people who have dedicated their entire lives to helping you be successful," Gault says. "Reach out; there are people just waiting for you to contact them – get connected." Call as many resources as you need to until you find one that works for you. "I think it's important to have a trusted peer or counselor," Gault says. "Coping is much easier if you have someone who will listen to you without judgment."

Keep a Journal: "Keeping a journal also helps get emotions out," Gault says. "Talking is a great way to help process your feelings and experiences and allows you to gain greater insight and perspective into your situation." Single parent support groups, online parenting communities (like those available on iParenting.com), and postpartum counseling programs are all options to explore. Aside from these resources, look into other creative ways to network and socialize, like infant massage, yoga and exercise classes, La Leche League programs or volunteer organizations. It's amazing how good you'll feel by giving your time to a cause you care about.

If you are having extremely negative feelings of anger, violence or depression, counseling should, of course, be considered. Talk with your doctor or midwife for a counseling referral or other advice. Postpartum depression is taken very seriously now by heath care providers, and your voice will be heard.

* Last name withheld to protect privacy.

After Baby Action Guide

1. Stay on track with goals. Write a list of goals and formulate a realistic plan for achieving them. Break tasks down into small chores and do something every day to get closer to success.

2. Surround yourself with support.

3. Breastfeed. It has been proven to physically help you bond with your infant.

4. Hire a doula for the birth and beyond. Postpartum doulas can be invaluable in teaching infant care and helping you with the adjustment.

5. Make time for you. "Talk. Share. Write. Set your day to music that makes you happy," says Lauren Graham, a life coach. Do little things throughout the day that will make you happy.

6. Don't neglect your hobbies and passions.

7. Face your feelings about your child's father. Seek monetary support, at the least. Don't feel pressure to stay in a relationship that doesn't work for you. If you've had a negative experience, put closure on the situation so it does not affect your child.

8. Stay in touch with family and friends. Rely on those that support you the most, but don't become too dependent. Acknowledge differences, but don't dwell.

9. Practice gratitude – each day.

10. Look at yourself as a success. "You need to now what an incredible woman you are – you have faced one of life's greatest challenges and in doing so you will reap some of life's greatest rewards," says Cara Gault of The American Pregnancy Association. "Ultimately, realize the incredible good you are doing for the world – you really need to know what a hero you are to all of us."


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