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Bringing Home Baby
A Dad's Eye View of Bonding and Interacting with Baby
By Mark Stackpole
"Gurgle," comes the reply.
"Great game last night, huh? Thanks for crying through it so Daddy could miss most of the good stuff."
"Coo," he says, smiling like a poorly carved jack o' lantern.
"Awww," I say, heart melting as memories of a missed game dissipate like ground fog on an early spring day. "Let me buy you something expensive and cute."
We don't try to buy our children's love (until later), but hitting the stores does help us feel like providers. OK, we aren't bringing home saber-tooth tiger meat to cook over open flame, but shopping and waiting in line at the local department store can feel just as life-threatening. I would come home with games, toys, clothes – all the stuff that I thought a baby might think was cool. Invariably, I was disappointed by their reaction, which was basically a lack of reaction. One quick glance and then back to staring at the ceiling fan. It took me a little while, and a lot of credit card charges to realize the simple truth – I was trying too hard.
Yes, I changed midnight diapers and even substituted during a few 2 a.m. feedings. I held, cuddled, joked, sang – and still felt like I wasn't doing enough. I felt outside of the relationship between the wife/mother/food source and the newbie. That judgment is made commonly and quickly, always to the detriment of everyone involved.
"For many of today's fathers, especially those who may have had a very traditional upbringing, this may indeed be one of the first times they have had the opportunity to be up-close-and-personal with a little one," says Bridget Gaertner, a research fellow in theFussy Baby Network at Erikson Institute in Chicago, Ill. "It's OK to feel a little anxious. Fathers might find special activities that they can enjoy with their baby, such as a quiet, early morning cuddle or late night singing with a little night owl."
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