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Putting Yourself in Her Shoes

Sympathy-Building Exercises for the Dad-to-be

By I.J. Schecter

Though it's early in the pregnancy, you've already figured out the importance of back massages. That's good, but no matter what practical measures you employ, the most important thing you can offer your partner from the first month to the last is good old-fashioned emotional support.

Of course, achieving true empathy is easier said than done, since, as a man, you don't know how it feels to nurture a life inside you. Here are some exercises to raise your level of compassion by getting in touch with some of the things she's experiencing throughout these, uh, blissful months of change.

Pre-pregnancy

Issue
You've read that it takes six months, on average, to be successful, and a year isn't uncommon. Your wife says she understands it might take a while, too. But after two unproductive cycles, she's worrying she might be sterile and weeping every time she gets off the phone with a friend who's expecting.

Sympathy-Building Exercise
Imagine your dream is to play professional basketball. The scouts say you're nearly there, except your shooting needs to improve. You practice every day for two weeks, but don't progress. You try again the following month. Still no improvement. You're puzzled. You continue to do everything you're supposed to do, but the shots won't fall. The next month you vary the routine, going to the gym every other day, then the next month, two out of every three days. Nothing works. You see a specialist, who tells you only to keep doing what you're doing and also to stay relaxed. After a few more months, you question whether you waited too long to do this. You start to consider taking steroids or some other drugs. Then, one day, after you've just about given up, it happens. The shots fall.

Now substitute you with your wife in this scenario and trying to hit a jump shot with trying to conceive a life.

First Trimester

Want to see more?

• Beyond Flowers: Gift-giving Ideas for the New Mom
• Keep Mom-to-be Smiling: 10 Creative Ways to Pamper Your Pregnant Wife
• Going the Full Nine: How to be a Model Husband From the First Day of Pregnancy to the Last
• Emotional Connections: Start the Bonding Process at Day One
• Postpartum Dad Series
• Talk about it!