As we had done on so many days previous to this, we were waiting for the results of a blood test. Not to tell if my wife, Charlotte, was pregnant, because we had already gotten that unbelievable news after more than four years of trying.

Our shock had quickly given way to joy when that news came back, and yet here we were a few weeks later, our joy spiked with an uncomfortable dose of uncertainty. If the pregnancy was going to take, we would need to see a rapid and significant rise in Charlotte's HCG levels in those blood tests. Our next ultrasound would also reveal whether or not the embryo had grown back into the normal range. How were we supposed to compare the fear of never getting pregnant with the fear of losing a pregnancy? Couldn't we please get back to that joyous disbelief?

In the sleepless paranoia of the night before, I had managed to convince myself that the levels would be low and that the ultrasound would confirm our worst fears: that the pregnancy we had finally achieved would be taken away from us. If there was ever a time for prayer, then that certainly was it. I suppose what I did was a form of prayer, though I don't really think of it that way. I just think of it as a boy talking to his father.

"Dad, I need your help," I began. "The nurse said today that the embryo is nearly a week behind schedule in terms of its size. She didn't come right out and say that this was a big problem, but then she ordered more tests and advised us of what we should do in case of a miscarriage. I was just wondering if you could keep an eye on the little guy. Y'know, look after him until he's big enough to hang in there on his own..."

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