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Preparing for Fatherhood

What's on Your Mind, Dad?

9 New-Dad Questions Answered

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What's on Your Mind, Dad?-9 New-Dad Questions Answered There are many stereotypes that leap to mind when thinking about new fathers. There is the fake snorer trying to get out of a midnight feeding, and the incompetent diaper-phobe who cinches one tab so tight that the other one won't reach, leaving a sideways sieve where the actual diaper should be. Or perhaps the father who believes that macaroni and cheese is the perfect way to introduce a baby to solid food.

While some dads may identify with these descriptions, the vast majority of new dads are not fools worthy of ridicule. They are not morons – they are thrilled but terrified of the new role that awaits them.

You won't hurt him. You will put this little feather into your arms and be amazed at how he fits as though he has always belonged there.

In an effort to clear the names of new dads everywhere, Dr. Vicki Panaccione, child psychologist and the founder of the Better Parenting Institute, has agreed to provide her expertise and perspective on some of the issues and fears that new dads face. It is important for the world to understand that new dads are not (always) trying to shirk their responsibilities, but rather to understand them so that they might be able to provide better support for their whole family.

1. How do I put on a diaper? What if I drop him? What if I do something that hurts him?
"Becoming a parent is like taking on a new job for which you have absolutely no training," Dr. Panaccione says. "Before you leave the hospital, make sure someone shows you how to change a diaper, bathe the baby and hold him correctly. Practice under supervision. Parenting is on-the-job training. The more you do, the more comfortable you become. And trust me, your wife is nervous, too.

"I think that all new parents worry about how fragile the baby is, and whether they might hurt, drop or break him," Dr. Panaccione says. "This is especially true for dads who don't want to hold too tightly because they feel that they are strong and clumsy. You won't hurt him. You will put this little feather into your arms and be amazed at how he fits as though he has always belonged there."

2. What if my wife loves the baby more than she loves me?
"She will, but in a totally different way," Dr. Panaccione says. "You will find that you experience a different kind of love than you ever thought possible. There's room for both, but don't try to compete. You won't win this one."

3. But we agreed that our relationship would always come first, and we would never let the kids come between us. How can we do this?
"It's a nice fantasy, but there is simply no practicality to this," Dr. Panaccione says. "Your baby is literally between you as she nurses at your wife's breast. Then, she continues to be the center of your universe as you meet her every basic need. It's not that your relationship with your wife isn't important anymore; it's just that there is a new human life that is commanding most of your attention. It will get easier as the baby begins to develop.

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