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Twins & Multiples

Lessons Learned from Jon and Kate Gosselin

Does Having Multiples Lead to Divorce?

"From my perspective in watching that show Jon is so much more hands-on than my husband was," says Harrigan. "He did more than any dad of multiples I've ever seen. I don't think Kate really appreciated him enough and how good he was with the kids."

Find a Balance
Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, a psychologist and licensed clinical social worker in Florida, Massachusetts and Maryland, says having a strict schedule is important when children are young, particularly in the case of multiples. However, she notes, there's a big difference between being a good manager and being a drill sergeant.

"Drill sergeants tend to say don't do this, don't do that," says Dr. Wish. "Managers say let's do this, let's try that. A good manager is a role model, a coach and a guide, and is flexible enough to allow for some wildcard behavior. There are two extremes in parenting – being regimented and strict on one end, and letting them grow like weeds on the other. When parents have different styles of parenting, you need to be flexible and include your partner's point of view."

does having multiples lead to divorceIn the case of Jon and Kate, says Dr. Wish, they had wildly different parenting styles, but poor communication. Kate, in her role of manager, wasn't flexible enough and the result was that Jon felt left out, lonely and undervalued. Kate, feeling her efforts weren't appreciated either, felt resentful, martyred and undervalued as well. She began to react to Jon as if he were just another child she had to parent.

"They are each looking at the situation from their vantage point and he says to himself, 'I don't have a say, I'm not valued,' and she's saying to herself, 'I have to do everything and he doesn't appreciate it,'" says Dr. Wish. "Kate was the enforcer, she made all the rules, and Jon felt left out. Not that that makes Kate the bad guy; it just shows parents have to try to come together and meet in the middle when they have differing parenting styles."


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Lessons Learned from Jon and Kate Gosselin

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Rachel says
August 5, 2009

Wow. An article that goes beyond the gossip of Jon and Kate Gosselin and actually explains and tries to help parents. Thank you!!!!!!! So tired of gossip. You can tell when a site truly has a heart.

Anonymous says
July 23, 2009

Would it be possiible to include a link or citation to the source Dr. Hux is citing that shows the divorce rate is higher in parents of multiples?

Maureen A. Doolan Boyle says
July 23, 2009

Divorce and the Multiple Birth Family survey. MOST (Mothers of Supertwins) started conducting this survey of parents with multiples (twins, triplets, quadruplets, etc.) on June 25, 2009. The survey was designed to develop baseline statistics about the prevalence of divorce among multiple birth parents and contains 10 multi-part questions on family background, socioeconomic status, parent and children's age, as well as questions about marital status and divorce.

As of July 16th, MOST had over 2800 parents and guardians of multiples complete the survey. We have posted some preliminary results from the data on the MOST website at http://www.mostonline.org/facts_divorcesurvey.htm.

The survey is still open to new submissions, so if you know any multiple birth families who might be interested in participating, feel free to pass along this link: http://www.surveygizmo.com/s/150373/multiples-and-divorce.

If you have any questions about the study, please contact MOST at the information listed below.

Thank you again for helping us learn more about multiple birth families,

Content provided on this site is for educational purposes only and should not be construed to be medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
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