Dear Darling Doodlebugs, Tristan and Isobel,

Every day I stop and catch my breath. No one told me motherhood was going to be like this. The rewards are far greater than I had ever imagined. For nine months I walked around with a bucket permanently attached to my belly. Morning sickness plagued me – so fierce I was actually sick the days you were both born. You were about to become my breath. For the first days of your life, and for a solid three months thereafter, I held you, Tristan, upright in a La-Z-Boy chair because your reflux was so bothersome you couldn't help but scream – all day and all through the night. You were my breath. For three solid months I held you, Isobel, upright in bed because your reflux was so bothersome – you didn't afford me the luxury of a La-Z-Boy chair. My arms were so numb and my back was lost to me forever. You were my breath. Spaghetti in my hair – the red hue highlights I had always wanted but never dared. Two in the morning, and yes, Isobel, you are 14 months and still wake up for a post-midnight snack at my breast – I don't feel so guilty anymore for those early morning chocolate indulgences I suffered during pregnancy. Kleenex. Kleenex. Kleenex. I should look into shares. I am wearing a new perfume. It cannot be bottled. I stop and catch my breath.

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. As I look into your eyes, Tristan, I see the boy you will one day be. The painter – your favorite color is pink – I love that. The actor – your preschool teacher tells me you make the best elephant sound she has ever heard. You are too young to remember this when you are older, but a woman stopped me once and as she looked into your eyes and commented on how beautiful you were – both inside and out – she told me that in your eyes she saw a gentle soul. In your eyes I see my reflection. I stop and catch my breath. Isobel, you look into my eyes and I know you see past all of the chaos that is life. You see me for who I really am. What I am all about. Right down to the core of my being. You take on life on your own terms. You are a no-nonsense kind of girl. That same woman that looked into Tristan's eyes also looked into your eyes. She smiled, chuckled to herself and told me in you she saw fire, a passion. In your eyes, I see your father. I stop and catch my breath.

For most of us life just "happens." If we truly step back and look at our lives, the meaning of it all, where is it? I have been blessed with the most precious gifts of all. The meaning in my life is – unexplainable. It is beyond anything I could have even hoped for. To some, my life may seem meaningless – as I know passersby may stop and think, "Wow, she's a stay-at-home mom, how ... meaningful?" And yet at the end of every day, I stop and catch my breath. I draw my biggest breath of all from your lives – the breath that is mine; the most meaningful breaths of all.

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