Heading Toward the Finish Line

As I begin this essay, I have about six weeks to go before the big day. I have sat through many a conversation with friends about the anticipation of childbirth and what it means to be a parent, but until I got pregnant I had no idea what it would feel like or truly how significant my feelings would become. It is almost like becoming a member of a private club – one that has no initiation, but once you are in, you are in. And you just know what to do.

It begins with reading a lot of books, asking your friends and family a lot of questions and then bombarding your doctor with even more. There are not necessarily answers to everything – sometimes there are no explanations for a feeling or particular ache. You are immediately forced to make a lot of decisions – some as mundane as whether to eat something that might have a harmful ingredient to figuring out the most comfortable and safest position to sleep.

Even after the first ultrasound where I was privileged to hear the heartbeat of my growing baby and after numerous tests, this person growing inside of me does not feel real. It wasn't until I felt a movement that is a bit like the tickle of a butterfly spreading its wings, but more like a wave of motion across my abdomen, that I truly felt connected with this little one. I want to share the feeling with my husband so much so that every time our baby moves, even the slightest bit, I put his hand on my belly with the hopes that he will feel on the outside what I feel on the inside.

I’ve heard that having a baby, creating a human life with your significant other, can be one of the most joyous times in your life. But never did I really feel that until I saw my husband lean over my belly while we were in bed one night and talk to our baby. It brings tears of happiness to my eyes to know that this baby will be loved so much.