When Don* became a father for the first time, he couldn't get enough of his little miracle, Kate. He bathed her, fed her a bottle of pumped breast milk each night, changed her diapers and snapped her into tiny, pink outfits. He knew how to make her smile and how to stop her crying. And as Kate grew, it was clear that she adored her Daddy.

When Kate was 2 1/2 years old, Don's wife, Margaret, gave birth to a delightful baby boy. Don was ready to do it all again – he couldn't wait to bond with his new baby and also to pitch in and do his share the way he had with Kate. But like most fathers, Don was not prepared for how different his experience would be the second time around. For one thing, Margaret, managing two children all day, struggled to find time to pump breast milk for a bottle. Instead she nursed through the evening, leaving Don feeling deprived of the opportunity to nurture Mathew in this unique way.

But what about the other bonding experiences – diaper changing, dressing, comforting and calming – that Don had shared with Kate? He was distressed to find it very difficult to re-create these special times with Matthew. Like many fathers, Don hadn't thought about how much things change when a second child arrives.

Kate, as is typical, needed help adjusting to becoming a big sister. Fortunately, like most children, she was resilient, able to seek out the person most likely to have the time and energy to meet her emotional needs. Sensing that her mom was tired and very busy nursing, Kate turned to her dad. Her loving relationship with him, coupled with the realistic sense that her mother was, at least temporarily, not quite as available, prompted Kate to seek out Don as soon as she woke up in the morning and again the minute he walked in the door after work. Don spent much of his time at home giving hugs, wiping tears and calming bedtime fears.

Making it even tougher for Don to find time with Matthew was that Margaret encouraged him to spend as much time as possible with Kate. After all, following a nonstop, exhausting day with two young children, it is understandable that Margaret found a tired and cranky 2 1/2-year-old much more difficult to manage than an infant. Thus, Kate's bath, dinner and bedtime routines became Don's domain. He loved the time with his older daughter, but nevertheless, Don couldn't help feeling sad when he realized that he didn't know his new baby very well.

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