Tricia Novak knows firsthand all the trials and tribulations
of being a single parent with an infant. Although her son is grown now, she remembers
the experience as if it were yesterday. Having been a single parent throughout
his entire childhood, she also knows how important it is for single moms to seek
support.
Along with getting a great deal of support from her sister, Novak, a resident of Oaklyn, N.J., found that reading books on single parenting helped her a lot. "These books
allowed me to understand that a lot of things I was experiencing were normal and
that single parenting was very different from a two-parent home," says Novak.
Another thing she did was learn ways to reduce and manage the stress of daily life. "I focused
on being the best mom I could and to enjoy every day with my son being a single
mother," she adds.
"Sometimes single mothers are reluctant to ask for help because they feel like
they are failing somehow if they can't manage everything themselves," says Eileen
Kennedy-Moore, a psychologist and author of
What About Me? Twelve Ways to Get Your Parents' Attention Without Hitting Your
Sister (Parenting Press, 2005). "But single parenting doesn't have to mean solo parenting."
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Sometimes single mothers are reluctant to ask for help because they feel like they are failing somehow if they can't manage everything themselves.
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No one can do the job of parenting alone. Even for married couples there are
still struggles, and they receive support in a variety of ways. "We all need practical
support, emotional support, time with other adults and time alone," says Kennedy-Moore.
There are a lot of ways that people can get support. Knowing the options available
to them is the first step for all single parents.
One of the first things a single parent needs to do is decide what type of support would
be beneficial. Moms often feel guilty asking for help without giving something
in return. That's when they can get creative in their thinking. Instead of having
to pay for help, such as for childcare duties, they may be able to swap nights spent babysitting
with another single mom. Keep these resources in mind when evaluating what would help the most:
- Government: The government has some programs that can be of great assistance to single moms.
The resources may vary by state, but each state does offer some valuable assistance
programs. You can look in your home state for a variety of scholarships to help
put your child through college, health insurance, legal aid, assistance seeking
child support and other monetary resources.
- Online: Doing a search online is a quick and easy way to find single parent resources
that are in your local area. There is a wealth of information and support for
single moms online. Take advantage of all the Web sites that are dedicated to
the single mother, such as Singleparentcentral.com. These sites offer message boards and chats that can put you in touch with other
single moms. They also feature newsletters, articles and tips to lend support and ideas. They are a great place
to find others in the same situation and share a common bond.
- Local: Think locally, as there are many resources that are right in your own backyard.
Many people don't realize everything that is available to them right in their
own community. Check out your local church for a list of the groups and events
available to parents. You also can contact local mother's groups where you can find emotional support, advice,
friendship and possibly other single moms with whom to connect. Charities and
single parent groups also can be a great resource for all parents. Some offer classes and emotional support
systems that can be a great pillar of strength during times of need.
- Family: Perhaps the most important and precious resource available to most single moms
is family. They can be a great source of help and emotional support, even if you
just need a few hours of mommy time or would like to go to lunch with a friend.
While family is often the best support system a single mom can have, moms often
feel bad asking them for help. "Many people want to be helpful to single mothers, but they don't always
know how," says Kennedy-Moore. She suggests the next time someone in your family
asks if there is anything you need or that they can do, make sure to tell them.
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