"But traveling through China was tough, as the 3-year-old acted out quite a bit," Tanowitz says. "He had a lot going on – on the other side of the world, in a strange place with strange food and getting a sister on top of it all. Still we feel that the traveling helped in his transition since he was part of it. He can still look at the pictures and see the videos and he's in them, not an unseen kid at home."

Though the family still has its ups and downs, Tanowitz doesn't think it is too much more than one should expect from adding to the family biologically.

"Kids learn to accept as normal whatever is in front of them," Tanowitz says. "So situations that we fret over are really accepted by them as a matter of course. Of course you go to China to pick up your sister. It just is. But it's also important not to overreact. Our son has, on occasion, wanted to send his sister back to China, which is pretty much the same as if he wanted to send her back to the hospital. But to a parent it may feel so much worse. The oldest sometimes wishes he didn't have a younger brother either. Adopted or biological, the reactions are the same."

So how do you go about preparing your children for their new sibling? Groza says open communication is your best bet for bringing – and keeping – everything out into the open.

"Whether a child enters a family by birth or adoption, there needs to be ongoing, open discussion about the changes a new member of the family will bring," Groza says. "Hopes, fears, expectations and all the fantasies that everyone entertains need to be discussed, discussed and discussed again. Families should find other families in the same situation and talk with them about their experiences, including allowing the children to talk."

Stacie Cahill has a masters degree in social work and is the author of several books on adoption, including My Parents Love Me Too (Xlibris, 2005). She agrees that open dialogue is imperative.

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