Becoming a Big Sib

Bringing home Baby with a toddler already in place? It sounds daunting, but it doesn't have to be. While young children can't "prepare" for the new baby in the same ways that older kids can, there are a lot of things parents can do to help them sail through this very important milestone.

Preparing a toddler for the arrival of a new sibling can be difficult because very young children have a limited appreciation of abstract concepts, says Dr. Michael Wasserman, a pediatrician at Ochsner Clinic Foundation in New Orleans, La. Even if your toddler has felt the baby kick or seen a sonogram photo, she probably doesn't truly understand that another person is about to join the family.

To make things simpler, keep in mind that nine months is a long time. "It's best to slowly start preparing after the sixth month of pregnancy," says Kathy LeMaster, a registered nurse and parenting education coordinator at Baylor Medical Center in Irving, Texas. "Toddlers can become overwhelmed with too much information. Periodic repetition of small amounts of the same information is helpful."

And be sure to keep explanations short, simple and concrete. Sherry Grunder's granddaughter, Aliyah, had just turned 2 when her parents began discussing the issue of adding another child to the family. "My daughter-in-law asked Aliyah if she would like a new sister," says Grunder, a writer in central Maine. "Aliyah, confused, replied, 'Sticker'? Her mom said, 'No, not a sticker, a sister. Or would you rather have a new brother?' Aliyah emphatically replied, 'A STICKER!'"

A few weeks before her daughter's first birthday, Shannon Thorn learned she was expecting again. "We're still in shock," says Thorn of North Carolina, who will give birth to her second child later this year. "What this means for us – a co-sleeping, breastfeeding family – is that we're having to think about some major transitions a lot sooner than we'd planned to." Thorn has already started the weaning process and plans to gently transition her daughter to her own bed during the next several months. "We're hoping to have these transitions well in place before the new baby comes, so that that is the only adjustment we're all dealing with."

This is a good idea, says Dr. Lisa Noll, a faculty member at the Learning Support Center for Child Psychology at Texas Children's Hospital in Houston. "One of the first ways you can ease your toddler's transition into being a big sibling is by making big changes well in advance of the birth or by putting them off until well after the baby is born."

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