When Baby Meets Toddler

Bringing home a new baby can be a time of great joy. It can also be a stressful time, especially for the exhausted parents of a demanding toddler. I vividly remember the difficult adjustment period between my then 2 1/2-year-old, Evan, and his brand new brother, Ethan. The boys are now the best of friends, but it wasn't always that way.

"It's normal for toddlers to behave unfavorably when a new baby is introduced into the family," says Dr. John Tedeschi, chief of pediatrics at Virtua West Jersey Hospital. It's also important for parents to understand that different children exhibit different reactions to the arrival of their new sibling. "What's crucial is to know your child – understand their personality, and keep the lines of communication open," says Dr. Tedeschi.

Cindy Kennedy Reedy, a child development and family relations expert at Arcadia University in suburban Philadelphia, agrees. "Young children, especially 2-year-olds, are in the midst of major cognitive and social and emotional growth," she says. "Autonomy is developing – they are becoming aware of who they are and what they can do. If a new sibling arrives during this developmental stage, parents must be aware of the impact this may have on the toddler." Reedy also suggests that although a parent's primary focus should remain on the toddler, having an infant in the family can actually encourage and enhance positive toddler development.

It's vital to communicate honestly with your toddler regarding the baby, says Ann Douglas, mother of four and author of The Mother of All Pregnancy Books and The Mother of All Baby Books. "Resist the temptation to oversell the new baby," she says. "Rather than focusing on how fun the toddler will be in a year or two's time, let your child know what the toddler will be like when he or she first arrives. Some toddlers are rather disappointed to find out that the new baby can't play with toys or run around the house, so it may be worthwhile to visit another family with a very young baby so that your toddler can see what newborns are all about."

"While regression is completely normal, parents should try to avoid giving in to their toddler's demands to be diapered and fed from a bottle," says Dr. Tedeschi. "Instead, show them all the great things about being the age they are. Spend some special time alone with your child and encourage them to help with the baby."

Lavishing praise on your toddler's grown-up behavior can help also. And use every opportunity you get to point out the benefits of being a big brother (or sister).

One of the most disturbing behaviors for parents to witness is a toddler's aggression toward their new sibling. However, it's important to understand why your toddler is reacting this way and always deal calmly with the situation.

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