I don't know if I am ever going to see you
I don't know if you'll ever exist.
But no matter what,
I want you to know this...
Your father and I are trying to do
Whatever it takes,
To naturally conceive you.
Every morning, as soon as I wake,
My temperature is what I take.
If it's low,
I'm so happy you see,
This means you may possibly be.
I check my "fluid,"
And how I feel.
You put it all together,
And you may become real.
The doctors said we need IVF.
The endometriosis,
Has had a horrible effect.
All I hear is,
"We told you at age 18,
Now, at 26,
It's impossible to fix."
I cry.
I scream.
I have become oh so mean.
This is not the way,
This is supposed to be.
"Mother" is a word meant for me!
So many thoughts go through my head.
"Was this because of something I did?"
"I love your father with all my heart,
But maybe he should have left me from the start?"
All those thoughts,
Are starting to fade.
And I am no longer sitting,
In the shade.
I am beginning to realize,
You don't have to come,
From inside of me,
To truly be,
A part of me.
So, My temperature I still take,
The "charting" I still do.
I am still trying patiently,
To wait for you.
But, no matter how,
You come to be,
Whether through me,
Or an agency
We will love you,
UNCONDITIONALLY!

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