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March 24, 2004
Week 3: Free from the Tubes at Last
Dan says I have a binary switch according to my moods--I'm either really up or really down these days. This week we've had three "up" days in a row, so life might be stabilizing at last.
Peter came home last Monday and I can't remember what happened between then and Thursday. He ate without too many problems, Dan did most of the baby care so I could focus on feeding Peter and healing (ie staying in bed for everything but peeing and bathing). Then Thursday night, Peter wouldn't breastfeed. At all. We ended up giving him a couple finger feedings, then going to the chiropractor Friday morning. Oh--Thursday afternoon, he was weighed by both the midwives (9 lbs 6 oz) and a home health nurse (9 lbs 3 oz). He seemed more relaxed after the chiro visit, but still wouldn't eat. I was sobbing every time someone looked at me. It didn't help that it was my first time out of the house in four days. Friday afternoon, we had our first check up with the family practitioner we'd chosen as Peter's ped. By then he was down to 9 lbs even and they called the lactation consultant associated with their care group for us. Later that afternoon, Kim came over when I called her in tears, and just as she walked in the door, Peter pooped and pooped, then was willing to breastfeed. It's too bad Kim can't just stay over all the time. He had another good feeding later that evening, then got fussy. I was physically and emotionally exhausted and had my parents come over that night in case he fussed all night so Dan and I could get a little sleep.
Friday night, Peter ate at 8:30pm, then slept, and slept, and slept. Dan and I both woke up at 5:30am freaked that our child had starved and no one had told us. Turned out he was comfortably sleeping on my dad's stomach. He breastfed fine, and was great until lunchtime Sunday.
On Sunday, we were feeling pretty good about things, and brought Peter to church that morning. He started fussing in the car, but calmed down before we arrived. I think the car scares him into zombiehood. He stayed quiet for 2 minutes at church, then Dan walked him around until the end of the homily. He must have slept for five minutes, then declared he wanted to eat, so I missed the second half of the mass. I guess we each hit half. That was the last time he breastfed for 24 hours.
When we got home from church, he slept until 4pm. I took a quick bath then hoped to feed him before going to the IL's for dinner. Well, he wouldn't eat. He screamed and screamed until we finger fed him at 6pm. The midwives said he might need to sleep off the hospital trauma and suggested we wait to feed him until he woke up on his own. They also recommended he sleep on one of our stomachs to help with his tummy issues. He slept until 4:30am, then still wouldn't breastfeed. We tried for an hour, then he slept for an hour, then we tried for another 1/2 hour before fingerfeeding him. He'd gone 12 hours without food. Apparently he'll starve before breastfeeding.
That morning, Dan left for work for the first time. I was fairly terrified. He woke up around 8am and wasn't hungry. I walked him in the sling for an hour, then he fell asleep again. We both napped until lunch, then he refused to nurse.
At 1pm, we had an appointment with a lactation consultant. At that point, my SIL Kara had come to help out for the afternoon. We drove out to the hospital (had to be one across town) and the LC tried for a few minutes and declared that he just wouldn't suck. No kidding. We decided it was time to go for a nipple shield so he could at least eat directly from me, even if I had to pump afterwards to maintain my supply. I was so full at that point that I had to pump just to give him something to latch onto. I had just reached a good milk balance before Peter's nursing strike. With the shield, Peter latched right on. Thank goodness. He ate for 25 minutes on one side, then another 5 on the other. She weighed him naked, then before and after each side to see how he did. He was down to 8 lbs 12 oz (same as when he left the hospital), but ate 3 oz on one side, then another 1 on the other. She said that at that rate, he needed to eat 6 times a day to gain an ounce a day. She was impressed by the amount of milk I had (amazing--that's the one thing I thought I'd have trouble with) and said I only needed to pump if he ate less than 10 minutes on one side, and only that side. Not so bad!
It felt really, really good to be able to feed my baby again. That day, he ate every 2-3 hours and had no problems latching on. Ahhhhh. He woke up every 3 1/2 hours at night. I can handle that! Dan sort of wakes up when I feed him. He does the burping and changing, at least.
Tuesday morning, he ate well on one side, and I tried without the shield on the second side. Voila! He latched on! Hallelujah!
Tuesday he ate well, and slept the better part of the day. We went back to the chiropractor and both got worked on. I can't believe I'm a chiropractor fan now. The niftiest thing was that Peter curled up the same way he did in the womb--I could see how his head was crooked, and how his feet poked my side.
Last night, he woke up a few more times at night and I got more determined to learn to nurse lying down. He was awake all morning. I managed to get dressed and brush my teeth, but didn't eat breakfast until my MIL came over at noon (she was over yesterday from 11-3). My MIL is wonderful, btw. Yesterday, she suggested I take a bath before she left and while I was there, she cooked up some veggies and meat. Thank you Janet!!
This morning, Petey decided that nursing is just the cat's pajamas. He ate at 7:30, 9, 9:30, 10:45 (for an hour), then slept from 12-3 when Jeanne came. Jeanne woke him up to weigh him -- back to 9 lbs 2 oz -- then I nursed from 3:15 to 4. He was awake and crabby from then until 8ish when he FINALLY fell asleep. Jeanne helped me get the lying down thing figured out, so we'll see how that works tonight. I took a bath at 4, then fed him again from 4:30 to 5, when I pulled him off because his great-grandparents were here to visit. I must have nursed him a couple more times before he crashed awhile ago. By then, he wouldn't even nurse he was so exhausted. Crazy child.
Jeanne says I'm not healing as well as she'd hoped (geez, last week she was impressed by how well I'd done, this week it's back to the drawing board), so I'm back to thrice daily baths. How I'll pull that off at home by myself, I have no idea. I might have to quick shower before Dan leaves in the morning.
Another SIL is coming at lunch tomorrow. So far, having half days by myself is doable. Next week, I'll have to really deal with life without so much help. Dan might expect me to start doing laundry, too.
I do have a postpartum doula coming next Wednesday, thanks to the wonderful generosity of my iParenting friends. You guys are amazing--I am so, so grateful for your support.
The cloth diapering is a success. Dan gets a kick out of using prefolds--any guy who thinks using them is a manly thing gets my full respect. I still prefer the fitteds, but I can fold prefolds and snappi them in a pinch. We're learning that putting the cloth wipes in warm water first keeps Peter much happier.
I'm getting the hang of the sling. I haven't figured out how to keep his head steady, but if he's sleeping and curls up, it works well.
Peter is a wacky child. He needs to be upright, all the time. He has big, wide eyes that will follow you around. It feels wonderful that he prefers my nursing him to anyone else holding him. The midwives think he won't be that social--he definitely prefers Dan or I hold him over anyone else. He won't sleep away from us unless he's swaddled and even that's chancy. He tries to suck his fist if I don't get my nipple in first. He holds his head pretty well and will bounce from one shoulder to the other when someone holds him up. I think he looks like a turtle. He has my crooked toe and Dan's chin, but otherwise, his features aren't obvious yet. He should have been a month old on Monday if he'd been born on time--people keep telling us that he acts more like a month old baby than a two week old.
I wrote this in the box and won't bother editing so it actually gets posted today. This is the longest I've sat at the computer in a long time. I haven't started the birth story yet. The midwives will give me their notes soon. I'm not sure if I'll start writing it on a notepad and transfer it over or not bother. I'm not comfortable enough at the computer to write it out here yet.
There's so much more to say, but it'll have to wait. Now that I don't need to obsess over whether Peter will ever eat, I can focus on other things for a change. Dan and I have said that we can handle whatever he throws at us, so long as he eats.
Dan's comment of the week is: "We seem to have vastly underestimated the amount of work a new baby would be." That pretty much sums it up.
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