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June 10, 2003
I wrote a few entries just as my pregnancy began. I hope to fill in the space between then and now, but for the time being, I'll backdate those first weeks.
Sat. June 7th, 2003
ttc#1 c#1 cd#19 7dpo
Today I hit the point, 7dpo, where if I am pregnant, implantation may occur. I’ve always been opposed to the idea that implantation spotting or bleeding will be noticeable, but I admit to being disappointed when my temp stayed at a steady 98.1 this morning. I haven’t expected to feel any symptoms before now. hCG isn’t produced until the embryo implants, and that’s what causes the early symptoms women notice. Even today, I have no right to think I would have any indications like that. But still, I’m looking for them. My chest seemed a teeny bit sore this morning, but it went away as soon as I put a bra on. So much for that. No nausea, no heartburn; I think I’ve peed even less than usual. Oh well. For the past 2 weeks, I’ve had a lot of hope that we’d be the lucky ones who got a positive in that first cycle. Now, I’m feeling like that was too much to expect. I know the odds of getting pregnant in one cycle. For a couple our age—25%. I guess I figure that since we aren’t as prepared as we could be, we’d get pregnant right away, because the world works in a goofy, backwards way sometimes. Knowing that I ovulate every cycle gives me a lot of confidence too. So I figured out the potential due date—Feb 22nd. While I was at it, I determined the next 5 cycles’ worth of due dates, just to be safe :) There’s something good about all of them—a possible Leap Day baby, Easter, Mother’s Day. If it takes long enough, Kelsey (my sister) will be home from England and Mom will be done with school for the summer.
Mon. June 9th, 2003
ttc#1 c#1 cd#21 9dpo
I’m completely convinced that I’m pregnant. I hope that I won’t be crushed if AF arrives later this week. My chest hurts, and the aching has gotten more noticeable daily since Saturday. If I’m not pregnant, my body is really playing games with me.
Dan left to go study and took the car. I probably would have caved in and bought a pack of HPT’s if I’d had access to the car, so it’s good that he left. This way, I’ll have to wait until Wednesday at least and there’s a much smaller chance of a false negative by then. I’m so dang cheap that I thought it might help me from running to the drugstore, but this soreness is messing with my head. If I am indeed pregnant, there’s no way I’ll keep from buying a two-pack of tests to see the + for myself. If I had no change from my usual cycles (and I’ve charted 38 of them now), then I’d have no problem waiting until AF was late. And if I’m not pregnant now, then in future cycles I’ll know that a sore chest doesn’t mean anything. By waiting until Wednesday, it should be late enough to see the + if I’d ever see it, and that would be early enough to get a blood test before Father’s Day. At least that’s the plan. At least I know that Wednesday’s the absolute earliest. I’m not so crazed that I’ll test anytime other than first thing in the morning. I know that’s a guaranteed method of seeing a negative this early.
I do hope to surprise Dan at least a little when I test. I guess since he wakes up and leaves before I do, I could test in the morning and leave something for him to find when he gets home. If I test + on Wednesday, it would work really well because he isn’t home from 7am until 9pm because of his class. Then I would be there when he found out. But I’d have to keep from calling him all day! I suppose I’ll deal with that when I get there.
Tues. June 10th, 2003
ttc#1 c#1 cd#22 10dpo
I caved and bought a box of First Response Early Result tests over lunch today—there were 3 tests for $20, so even if I test way too early to see a positive, I’ll still have 2 leftover. The box (and the internet) says these can correctly show a positive half the time when it’s still 3 days early. By tomorrow, I’ll be 1-3 days away from the expected arrival of AF, so I’ve got a decent chance at testing positively if I am truly pregnant.
I’m trying to kill time (I need to do SOMETHING) before tomorrow morning) and I wanted to find out what the procedure is in my HMO once one gets a positive HPT. I checked their website and it didn’t say anything. I don’t have an ob, and my general practice doc told me at my pap that I should call the nurses’ line and they tell me what to do next. Since I could be due for AF now (if I really push it), I decided to call the nurses and see what they’d say. I didn’t lie and say I definitely was pregnant, but I told her that I might be and that I was planning to test tomorrow.
Well, I was really disappointed by her response. The first thing she asked was whether I was planning to keep the baby. I find it really depressing that enough people terminate pregnancies that the HMO wants to check before discussing anything else. Then, of course, she asked when my LMP was, and although I explained that I have quite short cycles, I think she figured anyone on day 23 wasn’t worth spending much time with. She did say I’d have to decide what caregroup I wanted, but didn’t bothering mentioning that CNM’s were an option until I asked about them. Then she said that depending on what caregroup I go with, my first visit would be between 6 and 10 weeks. They don’t even have people come in for blood tests until then. Geez, at least 15% of pregnancies end in m/c before 10 weeks, and they won’t even verify pg before that? So, they seem to require that I pay for home tests rather than let my insurance pay for a blood test AND I have to wait maybe a month or more before seeing someone? How lame.
Even if I get a negative tomorrow (and the next day and the next), hopefully someday I’ll be making doc appointments, so it’s useful information to have, even if I don’t need it today. Oh, the nurse also said that buying “What to Expect when you’re Expecting” would be a good idea, too. I thought most docs gave that out free. I am not impressed.
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