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June 15, 2003
Wed. June 11, 2003
ttc#1 c#1 cd#23 11dpo
I usually temp at 6am when Dan wakes up, then sleep again until 7. I set my alarm 10 minutes early so I?d have time before work to get everything done. After about 5am, I had a hard time sleeping, and when I took my temperature, I noticed two things: my temp had jumped all the way to 98.7?the highest non-fever temp I?d ever had?and that Dan didn?t get out of bed. Uh oh. I was suddenly grateful that I?d given myself that extra 10 minutes. At 6:50 I jumped out of bed and got a test stick from the bag in my sock drawer. I managed to complete the test before Dan woke up, but it took me a minute to realize the reason I wasn?t seeing any lines appear was because it was upside-down. Whoops. Once I flipped it over, the second line was unmistakable. It wasn?t very dark, but there was no question now: I?m pregnant. I was excited to see it, but it wasn?t a surprise. I would have been far more shocked if only one line had appeared, and even then I would have assumed it was due to the earliness. There had just been too many signs for this to be another normal cycle. I managed to take a photo of the test stick while Dan showered, and once he left, I put a basic webpage together.
I might as well have not gone to work for the number of things I accomplished. It was far more fun to spread my news across the web and to see what pregnancy information I could uncover. Most of my office went out to lunch to celebrate a coworker?s birthday, and I was able to chat with the only pregnant woman in my part of the office. As we were leaving, I pulled her aside to tell her my news. Seeing a 31-week pregnant woman jump up and down in excitement was fun by itself. She and I are going to lunch next week so I can find out when and who she told at work and what she recommends for me now that she?s lived through it.
After work, I had 4 hours to kill before DH got home from class and I found myself on the bus to the mall. I can?t remember the last time I went shopping when I didn?t desperately need to buy a gift, so going there at all was unusual. It turned out that Victoria's Secret was having their semi-annual sale and my curiosity over my new bra size got the better of me. I had a fitting and discovered that I?d gone up a cup size in just four days. Egads! I bought two bras (on clearance!), hoping that I could get by with those for a few months. I also wandered into Baby Gap and bought a teeny tiny little outfit with fish on it. I hope my baby spending doesn?t continue as a daily habit!
The strangest part of the day came when my mom called and asked if I needed a ride home. I?d called her earlier and mentioned going to the mall, and she was now in the neighborhood. It was so hard keeping my mouth shut on the drive. I lied about the reason behind the Victoria?s Secret bag and felt like she should just know that something was different that day. But no, we held a normal conversation, and she managed to drop me off without my spilling the beans.
When I got home, I had maybe half an hour before Dan came home. I wrapped the Kissaluvs newborn fitted diaper I?d bought the week before, in addition to the positive test. I also included a Father?s Day card I?d picked up after work. I put them in a pile on our bed and waited for him to arrive.
As I saw him come up the sidewalk, I got so anxious. Would he be mad that I tested and didn?t tell him? What if he didn?t go into the bedroom for hours? He came inside and helped me finish making dinner. He asked if I?d bought any tests (sure, just not today?) and we talked about my taking one the next day, and waiting a few days to take another. I mentioned my conversation with the nurse the night before. Thankfully it didn?t take too much longer before he went into the bedroom. ?What is this?? he asked. I feigned ignorance. I had him open the card first, but he still wasn?t certain that I already tested. Then he unwrapped the test and he was completely surprised that I?d managed to test without him knowing. He wasn?t upset that I?d gone behind his back purchasing the tests, but was astonished that it was a definite positive when I was still so early in my cycle. Despite our assumptions based on my chart and symptoms, seeing those two lines made everything a lot more real all of a sudden. One cycle trying to conceive and we?d done it!
Thursday June 12, 2003
3 weeks, 2 days
I called a potential clinic and made my first CNM appt. I have to wait 6 frickin' weeks to see someone! Agh! They're open until 8:30 on Tuesdays, so Dan and I can both go without missing work (I could use sick leave, but he couldn't, and he has the car during the day). The nurse I talked to decided my EDD was 2/24, and I've been torn about what day to use, and since the later my EDD, the less late they'll think I am by the time March comes and no baby has arrived, I figured I'd stick with that day. Also, my NFP rules say 2/24, even though that method ignores the fact that Feb is short and it screws things up. Also, 2/24/2004 just sounds cool. So there we go. That makes me 3 weeks, 2 days, which is sort of depressing, but oh well. The CNM's bio seemed reasonable to me, and they said I can choose what hospital I want, so I could choose the one with a Level III NICU (one of Henci Goer's recommendations if you go with hospital birth). At least my conversation with the nurse was pleasant, unlike the one I had on Tuesday. She asked a whole lot of questions regarding smoking, drugs, previous medical history, and so on, but I seemed to have the ?right? answers to everything. She said that she enjoyed talking to someone who was clearly excited about her pregnancy, and told me that I could call and ask her if I have any questions before my appointment on July 22nd. Now I've got to start interviewing CPM's, too.
Argh! My mom just called while garage saling (a big summer pastime of hers) to ask if we wanted a nice kitchen table she found for cheap. She said her garage sale buddies tried to convince her to buy a crib they found, but she couldn't justify buying it yet. (She knows we're ttc). I managed to hold my tongue, but dang, it was hard. If talking to mom this morning wasn?t enough, I went with my parents to their neighbor?s graduation party this evening, and it was just itching to tell everyone the news. Shouldn?t they somehow know? Some sort of mother?s sixth sense or something?
Friday, June 13th, 2003
3 weeks, 3 days
Waking up this morning was really hard. I felt like I?d stayed up until 3am, despite my going to bed slightly earlier than usual. Until now, I figured that any sleepiness had to be blamed on my poor sleeping habits, but today there?s no doubt that I?ve accumulated another pregnancy symptom to add to the list. The workday dragged even slower than a usual Friday.
This was my first day using the Lord of the Rings approach to eating?after eating normal-sized meals for a couple days and feeling just horrid afterwards, I?ve decided to split my meals into smaller portions throughout the day. It reminds me of LOTR?elevensies, teatime, second breakfast, and so on. Today I ate half a 6" Subway and a small bag of chips at noon. I think I'll eat the rest of the chips around 2, and I bought some popcorn if I'm still hungry later. I feel like my stomach and I are negotiating--"I'll feed you one sandwich if you'll let me go without food for two hours. No? Okay, how about a sandwich and an apple? Oops, too much. Next time, just the apple...".
Saturday, June 14th, 2003
3 weeks, 4 days
This morning, Dan was the one who wanted me to pee on a stick. I was debating whether to wait an extra day, but curiosity got the better of us. The second line showed up right away?not as dark as the control line, but not nearly as light as it was on Wednesday. This time, Dan was able to show me how to mess around with our digital camera so the photo came out better, since I didn?t have to sneak the photo while he was in the shower. He thinks it?s fairly disgusting to have these peed-on sticks sitting in our dining room, but I refuse to throw them away. At least the first one. And for now, it?s fun to contrast them.
I went crazy at the library today. Actually, make that libraries. When the closest library?s copy of Dr. Sears? Guide to Pregnancy was checked out, we went to another library to get it. I thought I did a decent job of holding back?I only borrowed pregnancy books, nothing post-birth, I didn?t get any scary ones like ?How I survived my string of miscarriages? (I did make that up, but some came close to that title), I didn?t even pick up any Baby Name books, although that might have been because I didn?t see any. At the first library I got one Pregnancy Week-by-Week book, two books that go through the author?s pregnancy, and one which followed the experiences in an OB?s office over the course of nine months. In the second library, I picked up Dr Sears? month-by-month guide and three books for new fathers. Dan wasn?t too pleased by the large selection I found for him, but I didn?t want to take the time to determine which looked best while sitting there on the floor. I also requested Henci Goer?s ?Thinking Woman?s Guide to a Better Birth?, which I loaned to my SIL and she brought to northern MN with her for the summer.
While I removed most of the pregnancy section off the library shelf, another woman was paging through guidebooks next to me. Turns out she was looking for information on spotting. Six weeks along with her fifth (and much longed-for) child, she had brown spotting and was trying to find some reassurance. She mentioned that she had used NFP and had easily conceived her first four children and spaced them using ecological breastfeeding. Now, despite what looked like perfect cycles, it had taken them 2 years to become pregnant and the spotting wasn?t something she?d experienced before. At age 34, she was worried that pre-menopause was starting to affect her. Hearing her story helped me feel more confident that we made the right choice to stop avoiding pregnancy despite our relatively young age. I hope my presence there was able to give her at least a little comfort, if only by providing a sounding board.
Before our library expedition, Dan and I went to a sidewalk sale at Peapods, a local natural toys and baby product store. The toys on clearance are all many years beyond us, but we both had fun trying on the slings?it sounds like Dan will wear one if it looks manly enough (i.e. a solid, dark color). We also chatted with another couple for awhile and she told us which diapers were her favorite, which leaked, when wool covers were appropriate. Her one-year-old happily modeled her Luke?s Drawers all-in-one for us, too. This store will be great for diaper and feeding supplies, and their wooden toys would make perfect special gifts. They have a registry there, so in a few months we?ll have to come back and figure out exactly what we?ll need.
I was awake a couple hours before I ate anything, and felt pretty normal. At that point though, if I hadn?t had a bowl of cereal before leaving the house, I would have gone downhill. By the time we?d traipsed around town for a couple hours getting books and admiring diapers, it felt good to have a sandwich. I?m really curious to see how my eating habits change as time goes on. Clearly, timing meals (and splitting them into mini-meals throughout the day) is already important, but I wonder whether it will mean that I eat more or less?particularly in the first trimester when I don?t have a 2-lb baby that needs many more nutrients. It?s amazing that I already feel like I should be eating fewer processed foods and trying to give the babe in there the best chance I can.
Dan seems worried that I?m going to morph into a raving lunatic overnight. Granted, the 1mm blastocyst chillin? in my uterus is already affecting me, but I don?t think the crazy mood swings have hit yet. For now, he?ll have to be content with even pickier than usual eating habits from me.
Sunday, June 15th, 2003
3 weeks, 5 days
Telling the Parents
I woke up feeling exhausted after a good night?s sleep, which assured me that I was still pregnant, even though it meant I was yawning all through church. I?d rather be tired than nauseous any day. Dan thinks I should take a short nap when I get home from work in the evenings, but I don?t know if that will make it harder to sleep at night. For some reason (maybe hunger?) I haven?t been able to sleep in much even though I?m crazy tired. I do sleep soundly through the night, and I realize soon that will be a thing of the past.
The first stop for Father?s Day was my parents? house. All three of my grandparents, my aunt, parents, and sister (i.e. my entire family) were there, conveniently. My mom later said that she suspected something when we brought the camera with us, but I think she?s been suspicious since I told her we were going to ttc a couple months ago. I managed to get through lunch without eating more than my stomach could handle and held off eating my slice of pie until later. My dad?s birthday is this week, too, so he had presents to open in addition to the standard Father?s Day cards. I put our cards (one for Dad, one for Grandpa) on the mantle, and arranged for our gift to be opened last. As his gift pile shrunk, my stomach felt lodged in my throat, I was so nervous. I had him open our gift before the card?nothing out of the ordinary with the present. Then I gave him the card. It had some nice saying on the front, and the inside said ?Happy Father?s Day Grandpa?. He read it, didn?t say anything, looked around, and either Dan or I said, ?it?s a grandfather card because we?re going to have a baby! And we?re happy about this!? All 9 people in the room were shocked into silence for a few seconds. (I?m not quite sure that my hard-of-hearing grandparents knew what was going on.) Then I had Grandpa open his card, which said ?Happy birthday Grandpa, from Amy, Dan, and Baby F!? Since his birthday is in February, this was somewhat confusing until I explained that I am due right around his birthday. We told them that they were all being promoted up a generation, from parents to grandparents, sister to aunt, grandparents to great-grandparents. Then the hugs started. Kelsey did say, ?You weren?t supposed to do that! You were supposed to wait!? since she?ll be in England from Jan-May. But my mom responded by getting all her pregnancy and child development books up from the basement. My grandpa kept winking at me, which was sweet of him. After the grandparents left, we discussed some of the details?would Dan change his school plans, would we move, would I work, etc., but overall they were pretty supportive. I?m extremely glad I told my mom we?d be trying because I?ve seen her warm up to the idea in the weeks since then. I also got all her really pressing questions out of the way so she won?t worry so much. I knew that my mom hadn?t had morning sickness with either pregnancy, but I found out that neither of my grandmas did either. Please, please let that be genetic! We?d brought the diaper and outfit with us, and they were impressed by how fancy cloth diapers are these days. Kelsey offered to give us a blanket she?d been crocheting. We survived the more critical set of parents, so then it was on to Dan?s family.
Dan?s family already includes grandkids, so buying an appropriate card wasn?t enough to give away our news. We got through dinner and the family card game without giving anything away and soon Dan?s father was opening cards. Whenever Dan?s sister (and her 3 kids aged 23 months, 3, and 10) are around, peace and quiet are thrown out the window, so when Will (Dan?s father) opened his card, there were kids squealing nearby and general chaos in the background. He didn?t read the front, which was the only place it said ?grandpa?, and the concept didn?t really come through until Dan?s mom saw the front and said ?It means they?re having a baby!? Dan?s sister started yelling and jumping and ran over to hug us. We?d told her we were trying, but that was maybe two weeks ago, so she was impressed that it was so quick. With all the hubbub she was creating, we didn?t get much of a reaction out of his parents, but when Dan asked them later, they said they were happy for us. When we told his mom we were engaged 4 ½ years ago, she kept exercising in front of the TV, so I wasn?t expecting much this time either. She did enjoy looking at one of the books I?d gotten from my mom. She?ll be great for getting nutrition advice and massages as I get farther along?she recently finished a program in massage therapy and is always looking for more practice. We stayed there playing cards until I started looking like I?d fall asleep on the table.
So now the families know, and we told them they could tell anyone, so we?ll see how fast the news travels. We survived, and no one outwardly expressed their disapproval, and that?s good enough for me. Mom wanted to know if we?d chosen a stroller we wanted or picked out any other favorite baby paraphernalia so she?d know what to shop for at garage sales. I think she?s going to have a lot of fun with that this summer!
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