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October 6, 2003
October 6: Everything Else That Happened in September
I’ve been skipping all the little things that have occurred in the past month, and they seem too important to gloss over entirely. I’m going to try to sum them up before too much new stuff happens around here. I posted an entry on 10/3 going over my midwife/homebirth saga if you missed it.
Sharing with Others
Back in the early pregnancy days, I wanted to get to the second tri before I told anyone at work about the baby. Then when it became obvious that my belly wasn’t going to give me away any time soon, I started aiming for our team meeting the day after Labor Day when I would be 15 weeks. It turned out that during the week before that, an opportunity came up that just couldn’t be passed by.
I have two coworkers who were expecting babies this fall. The first gave birth via scheduled c-section in early August (at 39 weeks). The second (well, his wife) was due the day after Labor Day. The two coworkers are good friends of each other, and in late August, I asked the expectant father how the early August mom was doing. He was surprised when I knew what it meant for the baby to have jaundice, but I blew it off by saying I enjoyed hearing about pregnancy and new babies. Then he and my cube quadmates (all in their upper 20’s or low 30’s) got into a conversation about when his baby would be born and what coworker would be the next to get pregnant. At that point, I couldn’t contain myself any longer and spilled my news. At first they thought I was joking, and then I got questions about whether I’d been sick or not and how none of them would ever have guessed. I was nearly 15 weeks then, and I knew I must not be showing much! I guess that month (okay, entire summer) of low productivity hadn’t been as obvious to everyone else as it had to me. They did ask if the baby was planned, which wasn’t too irritating. Somehow the conversation turned into one coworker saying how his sister with one ovary on the Pill had gotten pregnant. The others actually wanted the guy to call his sister and find out what Pill she was on because the thought of getting pregnant under those conditions freaked them out so much. Apparently no one ever told them that the Pill doesn’t have a 100% success rate.
It’s been fun having them know about the baby. I hadn’t talked much to the gal behind me, and she claims she’ll never have children, but she’s fascinated by pregnancy stuff. She’s quite the fashionista and I showed her my nifty transition pants with the wide waistband and she got a kick out of them. She says she hasn’t known anyone who’s pregnant well enough to ask them questions, and we’re shaped about the same, so she says she’s going to watch me grow and see what she might look like if she ever changes her mind about having kids.
I even told them about having a homebirth, and got pretty positive reactions. Mostly the “hey, if you don’t want drugs that’s fine, but I’ll take the epidural thanks” variety. Two non-quadmates were actually upset when I told them we wouldn’t be having an ultrasound. They couldn’t fathom that there might be risks involved or that I would jump at any chance to see the baby. Didn’t mention the homebirth decision to those two.
The second coworker’s wife did end up having her baby, 11 days late after an induction, and vaginally birthed a 9lb 15ozer. Go Angie!
Finally Bit the Bullet
After weeks of hemming and hawing, I FINALLY told my mom about our homebirth decision. I think every other person I know knew about it already, but I just couldn’t tell my parents. We’d mentioned the possibility back in June, and mom was clearly not okay with it. I didn’t want to bring it up again until we were sure so that I could avoid any unnecessary confrontation.
In August, after over a month of not mentioning homebirth, Dan and I and my parents were at the wedding of a family friend. We were on our way out the door to leave the reception, and my mom casually remarks to another friend, “Oh, Amy’s thinking about having a homebirth”. If the friends she was speaking to weren’t a med student and the wife of a family practitioner, I might have assumed she was innocently mentioning it. But in that crowd, it was clearly a passive-aggressive low blow. I was too tired and it was not the place to debate the merits of home vs. hospital, so I said something about it being perfectly safe in low-risk situations and my desire to avoid interventions while the friends threw a series of exclamations my way. The med student could not see why on Earth we’d want to do that, and her mom seemed most concerned that I’d want a water birth. I never did figure out what she had against them. Anyway, I really felt backed into a corner and was not looking forward to bringing the subject up again.
So last Monday, my mom came over to help unpack, and I was determined to bring it up before any more months went by. It reminded me of my first period, back when I was 13. I paced the house for 2 hours before I finally gathered the nerve to tell her. This time around, we arranged the bathroom, the linen closet, the front closet, and she was preparing to leave before I was ready. I handed her my copy of “Thinking Woman’s Guide” bookmarked to the Home vs. Hospital chapter and a web printout with all the common arguments against homebirth explained (thanks Ashley). I quickly told her that we’d definitely decided to go with homebirth, and could she please read these chapters and get back to me? Her response was to sigh and say “Well, I guess it’s your life.” I asked her once since if she’s read them yet, and she may have glanced at the first page. I haven’t told her that I don’t want her to be there for the baby’s birth. Not sure how she’ll take that. All I know is that if she’s going to be freaking out about my not being in a hospital, I can’t have her there making me nervous. There’s a perfectly nice coffee shop two blocks up the road, and if we tell people we’re in labor, maybe we’ll just tell people to hang out there until we have a baby to show them.
Between the homebirth issue and the piles of clothes/toys/gizmos my mom has gotten already, I’m feeling like dealing with her response to my pregnancy is showing me that I’m a grownup more than anything else going on in my life. Yes, I have a “real” job. We bought a house. We’ve been married over two years. But disagreeing with my mother on parenting issues has been quite the eye opener. I knew I wouldn’t be making the same choices as she would for this baby, but I see that our birth choices are just the tip of the iceberg. Whether or not I work, if we co-sleep, our decision to cloth diaper—it’s going to be a never-ending string of decisions that she isn’t going to be too happy with. I know I need to be upfront about these things and not be timid around her so she doesn’t have the chance to guilt me into anything. I don’t really care what my co-workers think, but disagreeing with my parents isn’t something I’m accustomed to.
Reflections on a Belly Button
I’ve mentioned my belly button before, and it’s only getting weirder. I’ve lost any semblance of an innie. It’s flat sometimes, but it’s getting more and more comfy sticking out a bit. A few weeks ago, I collapsed into giggles every time I changed shirts because it looked so goofy. That would make me laugh harder, because it moves around when I laugh. It’s got a mini cinnamon roll look going on. So long as it doesn’t stick out much more, or get really scary, it won’t disturb me too much. It hasn’t changed colors like I’ve heard some people talk about. But I haven’t gotten that dark line or had my nipples change color either, so maybe I won’t be a chameleon type of preggo.
Looking at my own belly button reminds me that the baby is getting fed entirely through his or her own belly button, which is pretty amazing. It’s odd to think about belly buttons being functional.
My uterus is pretty much up to my belly button’s height now, so I wonder whether it will continue to change once I pass that point.
I can’t be the only preggo who sits and stares watching her belly button can I?
Expanding Just Enough
In early September, I survived wearing 3 pair of elastic-waisted capri pants over and over again. Then I got a linen dress from Gap Maternity and a pair of linen pants that got a lot of use early on. I tried ordering from Old Navy online, but their stuff didn’t fit. Once the temps stops being in the 80’s though, my closet was screaming for a pair of khakis I could wear to work. I haven’t worn jeans in the longest time, but I don’t know what to do without khakis.
I finally sucked it up and screwed my frugality and bought $120 worth of clothes from Gap online. I got two different styles of khakis and a tankini and bikini top and bottom. The swimsuit was on clearance, and I figure I’ll probably want one sometime before March, so what the heck. I rarely wear bikinis, but my chest will never be this large again, and a bikini will fit throughout pregnancy where the tankini or a one piece will either be too big now or too small later.
When the Gap clothes came, the swimsuit pieces were all too big (am I really size small? Or does Gap just size things oddly?) and one pair of khakis gaped in the back. The other pair (the more expensive one of course) actually fit!! Hurray! They’re the kind with a three inch elastic band for under-belly. I returned the ill-fitting pair and exchanged the swimsuit.
About a week later, the temps went down AGAIN and I decided I could use more than one skirt and a pair of pants. Lo and behold, Target’s Liz Lange collection came to my rescue, and I got a pair of under-belly khakis (they actually have a button and zipper, but still fit) and a pair of brown stretchy pants that should last the whole pregnancy. They looked so comfy I couldn’t help myself. Together, those two pairs cost half of what the Gap pants did, which eased my guilt in buying those.
Another week went by and suddenly it was below freezing. Normally if frost comes before October arrives, I’m not a happy camper. This year however, it meant I could get out the wool sweaters, and that was definitely good news.
At this point, I have about three non-maternity shirts that still fit, plus most of my sweaters. And finally, as of the last week in September, the full-blown maternity pants I had boxed up started to fit. Ahhh. I don’t have much of the panel variety because the family friend who generously gave me all her maternity wear swore she’d never wear panels. So I don’t need to worry about shirts reaching past my hips to hide the panels, they just need to be long enough to cover my belly button (it’s cute, but not THAT cute). Most of the maternity shirts she gave me still have that tent look going on, but the maternity t-shirts should come in handy, and I’ll live in my sweaters until I fill the shirts out better. All the non-maternity clothes were put into clear bins to go down to the basement until next season though.
You’d think that if I’m growing out of my clothes, my belly must be growing. I thought so too, but I’ve been doing the toilet paper test with the Due in February board, and I’ve been 8-8 ½ squares of cheap work t.p. for weeks now. I don’t know if I’m pulling them tighter, or if my sides are going in while my belly goes out, or something else. Very confusing. In my belly shots, more and more of my stomach has been exposed, so something’s going on.
Waddling? Already?
For a couple months now, I’ve noticed that when I get up from my computer at work, it takes a minute for my hips to work correctly. It’s fairly amusing for the time being, but I really didn’t think it would happen this soon.
Along with the hip soreness, since about week eight, I wondered if I’d given my tailbone a whack without noticing. I felt bruised back there, particularly when I tried to lie flat on my back. It went away after a few days, then returned a month later. This has been coming and going ever since. Finally this weekend, I figured out that I can feel a bump an inch or so above my tailbone. I knew that pubic bones shifted around to prepare for labor, but wow, they’re sure getting ready early! I’ve asked both the CNM and the CPM’s and they agree that’s what’s going on. Wacky stuff. I’m just glad I’m not injuring my tailbone repeatedly.
Tap, Tap, Tap?
I have been waiting very impatiently to feel this baby move since about 14 weeks—that’s the earliest I found any first time mom felt anything. 16-18 weeks seemed like a more reasonable assumption, and EVERYBODY I talked to felt something by 20 weeks. So when 18 weeks came and went without a flutter or jab, I felt I had the right to be irritated.
Since we decided against ultrasounds, the only “proof” we had that I wasn’t getting a distended belly due to some tropical disease was hearing the heartbeat at the CNM’s office via Doppler at 13 and 17 weeks. We knew leaving the CNM that the Doppler wouldn’t be used again, which only made me more anxious. I tried threatening the baby with in utero time outs, but it didn’t seem to help. Dan tried giving the baby a stern talking to, but that didn’t do anything either.
Two days before hitting the 19 week mark, we were out eating dinner. I was leaning forward and felt something a little different. I couldn’t be sure, but I had a sneaking suspicion the feeling in my abdomen wasn’t from the garlic bread. I’d heard that the only way to be sure a feeling was the baby, not digestion, was whether determining whether it was something your intestines and stomach had done before. I have an over-active, screwed up intestinal tract that rarely seems all that calm. I had hoped to just instantly know that an unusual movement must be the baby. But alas, there was no clarity whatsoever. Argh. A few days went by, I had a couple more possible baby movement moments, but nothing definite.
At this point, I was sure that my kid had decided he/she was too good for butterfly flutters, or hairbrush tickling, or bubbles popping, and was going to go straight to jabbing mommy in the ribs.
Then Tuesday the 30th, I was sitting at home at the computer, leaning forward a bit, and felt what could only be described as tapping from inside my abdomen. I hadn’t eaten anything in hours, my stomach felt settled, but something was definitely going on in there. It was like the baby was knocking, asking how I was doing. I still couldn’t be 100% sure it was the baby, but I couldn’t imagine what else would feel like that.
For the next few days, the maybe yes, maybe not movement returned. One morning when I was waking up, I thought I felt some sort of rolling, but I couldn’t be sure I’d hadn’t actually dreamt it. That hazy half asleep time isn’t so great for remembering clearly.
Then yesterday, October 5th, I was sitting on the couch at my IL’s, and felt movement in the same place—my lower right abdomen. It wasn’t obviously a kick—for all I know, the kid might be knocking his/her head against my uterus repeatedly—but it was certainly the same sensation, on and off for ten minutes or so. It was strong enough that I had Dan put his hand there to see if he could feel anything too. No such luck. If it keeps up like this, he might soon, though.
This afternoon, I’m pretty sure I felt more movement (kicks?) in that same place. Now we’re getting somewhere! Thank you kiddo!!
End Bits
Alrighty, I think I’ve finally summed up all of September’s craziness. In the past week and a half, we’ve moved into the house, celebrated the half-cooked day for the baby, and had my first homebirth midwife appointment. Now that I seem capable of writing a little more regularly, I’ll leave those for next time.
TTM: Did any of your co-workers have strange reactions to your pregnancy announcement? How did you deal with opposition in your birth choices (home, hospital, whatever) from what your family wanted? How long did it take to feel your baby move on the outside? When could you feel your pubic bones going out of whack?
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