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December 31, 2003
Week 32: Ambush, Prenatal, Holiday Madness, First Shower
Okay, I’m actually halfway through week 33 already, but compared to last week, this one’s pretty dull. I really want to get one last entry out in 2003 because I won’t be able to input the correct date in the entry form if I wait any longer.
On with the updates…
Sunday, December 21st: A Homebirth Ambush
Dan and I were visiting some family friends who were in town for Christmas. My parents and two other good friends of my mom's were there too. Two of these women took care of me when I was a baby, so I've known them forever. We were having a good time, watching two toddlers run around and chatting about home improvement. Then one of the friends said she had to talk to me. The three friends essentially ambushed me saying that I was risking my baby's life unnecessarily by having a homebirth. Dan was there too, but anytime he opened his mouth, they told him that as a man, his opinion doesn't matter, since it's my body that will do the birthing. That alone was fairly upsetting because I'm really glad Dan cares about our birth options and it was really important to me that we were in agreement for homebirth. Anyway, it was mostly one friend who talked and her argument consisted of mentioning acquaintances whose babies were ‘saved’ at the last second by doctors and hospitals. I let her talk for awhile without interrupting since she clearly was going to say her piece no matter what came out of my mouth. All three women clearly fell into the "birth is a teeter totter where something can go horribly wrong with no warning" club. Since two of the three women worked in hospitals for 30 years, I didn't push too hard my opinion that doctors' interventions may have caused some of these problems. They were aware that last-second trouble isn't common, but to them, if 1 in 1000 babies has long-term problems that could have been prevented by a quick C-section, that's reason enough to be in a hospital. I tried to explain that studies have shown home-birth to have equal or better outcomes but was pooh-poohed and told that it was probably skewed. I'm used to dealing with my family, where logic and numbers and stats are respected, so being told that statistics are worthless but hearsay is key didn't go over too well with me. I tried explaining how with the CNM's, I had a 1 in 13 chance of having met my delivery caregiver before entering the hospital and I had no chance of guaranteeing friendly nurses. Apparently, when these women gave birth (a couple had CNM's themselves), the midwife programs were small enough that they were guaranteed to have met their delivery person. That's great for them, but doesn't help me now. They didn't really believe me when I said it was the same for OB's--they rotate and I get who's on call, at least with my insurance. When I said that I had a family practice doc for back-up, they frowned and said an ob would be better. They were slightly assured when I said my midwives knew OB's who are experienced with breeches and others who I can transfer care to depending on what problem might crop up. But the whole teeter-totter, "the baby will crown and then his heart will stop mentality" was still more important to them. I told them my midwives had been at 1000 births. I told them I wouldn't birth a breech baby at home. I told them that continuous fetal heart monitoring quadruples the C-section rate. I told them how much I trust my midwives because I talk to them for an hour at appointments and they really know us. That they'd meet me six times for post-partum checks. They insisted that these days, a woman can push however she wants, be treated with respect by all hospital staff, and take as many or as few drugs as she wants without harassment. I think they're taking the best parts of their hospital experiences and blending them with the best part of today's. Sure, you can have a wonderful hospital experience. If the doc is on your side. If the nurses are on your side. If you sneak food into the hospital. I told them that I didn't want to fight during labor and the only way I could guarantee that was by being at home with midwives I trusted. It didn't matter. No one budged from their viewpoint. It was probably half an hour. The former nurse (not the loudest friend) mentioned that her sister had homebirths in Hawaii that went fine (thank goodness, she says!). We started talking about vaccinations after the nurse said that her sister's friends’ kids all got whooping cough because they refused to vacc. I mentioned our tentative plan to delay vaccing and they seemed relieved. One talked about the horrible repercussions of PKU and insisted we get the baby tested (I might go for that, partially because of what she said, and largely because we could and should wait a week before going to the ped's for it, so we don't need to bring a teeny-tiny ultra-brand new baby out of the house).
After all this, my mom mysteriously appeared from the other room and sort of hugged me. Now, I actually believe that she didn't put her friends up to this. I'm sure she mentioned our plans somewhere along the way and they're plenty opinionated without her help. But the hug was pushing it.
A couple of the friends asked if mom would be at the birth. I didn't say anything and they knew immediately that I wasn't planning to have her there. I should probably talk to mom about that soon.
I'm not sure how much the women planned their friendly little chat with me. Probably, the loud friend decided she was going to say something and the others glommed on at the time. It's hard to decide when it's better to debate and when to say "that's nice, I disagree, goodbye." It was clear before it started that none of us was going to change our minds. But that wasn't going to stop loud friend from saying her piece--it's so hard to just sit and take it. I did a lot more listening than talking. I made it clear that I felt my baby was best off with homebirth and it wasn't that I just wanted the pleasant labor experience. I'm usually terrible at backing up my beliefs in a verbal debate like that--childbirth and NFP/contraception are probably the only two issues where I have fighting chance at defending myself. I usually let Dan do the debating--he's much better on his feet. That’s another reason why their silencing him was frustrating.
What an ordeal.
Monday, December 22nd: 31 Week Prenatal
I invited my mom to my prenatal so she could see that my midwives are normal, loving people. She wouldn’t have asked to come, but it seemed like a good time for it. This is a standard appointment without any special topics to cover, so there was extra time if she had questions and I didn’t have to make any critical decisions in her presence. I asked her before the friends’ ambush, actually, not in response to it.
My vitals were all fine. I was up 2 lbs (yay! that's the first time since 20 weeks that I didn't gain more than a pound a week), so I'm up 27 total. My blood pressure was 104/64. I got a finger prick to test my hemoglobin level to make sure my iron's okay. It was slightly up from last time (at 20 weeks), so no worries there. My protein and glucose were normal, and my fundus measuring 32 ½ cm--that's the first time I've measured big. No wonder it seems like this kid is growing!
Once again, my intestines were louder than the baby, so the best they could do for the heart rate was that it was in the 140's somewhere, same as every other time. I even purposely had a larger lunch and snacked that afternoon. The baby has flipped back around to vertex (LOA), although he/she's at a bit of a diagonal. The night before, the baby had seemed transverse-ish, and all the kicks since then have been high on my right side. I’m starting to think he/she might be head-down to stay! When Kim went to measure me, I was having another Braxton-Hicks. How goofy is that? Two appointments in a row, and I wasn’t sure if I felt any between those two. Apparently, they are neither painful nor noticeable for me.
We started talking about all the supplies we'll need to get (for homebirths, you don't pack a bag--you fill two boxes with stuff!) and they conveniently mentioned in my mom's presence that having lots of help after the baby comes is important =) For some of the stranger things, we’ll order them in a pack from Texas. Otherwise, it’s stuff we can buy around here. At the moment, I’m trying to find a source for cheap, yet comfy nursing nightgowns. The midwives recommend having a bunch of them so I don’t have to get dressed for the first few weeks. Frankly, I like to wait long enough that I don’t need to put maternity pants back on, but I doubt that’ll happen. I’m not expecting to fit into zip-up pants anytime soon, but wearing the transitional stuff instead of the full-blown full-bellied ones would be great.
Speaking of maternity clothes, I’ve been wearing more and more over-the-belly pants recently. I still don’t wear panel-pants though. I gave up on my transitional-band khakis until my thighs stop looking like tree trunks, but I still wear my under-belly Motherhood cords. I have to wear them with long shirts so I don’t have to worry about my belly peeking out. I really need to go buy more maternity bikinis, too. The non-maternity ones are okay, but the extra stretchiness of Old Navy maternity bikinis is worth it. I think I’ll be able to save the giant over-belly granny panties until postpartum.
I’m going to have prenatals at 33 weeks, then 35 weeks, and then I go every week! The 36 week appointment will be our home visit where they come to make sure they can get to our house and that we have all the stuff ready. I haven’t made any final decisions about getting a tub. I’m a little worried that our house can’t handle the weight, but that’s probably silly. We have an old-fashioned claw foot tub in our bathroom, about 15 feet from our bed. That might be good enough. I definitely don’t plan to pay $200+ for an official birth tub, but if I want a good kiddie pool this time of year, I need to order online, so I should decide soon.
My mom didn't say much, or have a reaction afterwards. I was starting to wish I'd talked to her about not being there for the birth since I didn't know what she'd say to the midwives. When they asked if she had any questions, she asked if they needed any help (aka, should I be there?). They said that some moms have extra people, but it's totally dependent on who they want around when going through something really difficult. They mentioned that for most people, fewer are better. Then they steered the conversation toward setting up help for postpartum time so both Dan and I can lie in bed and stare at the baby :) They talked about charging "admission" to the house--you can hold the baby IF you pick up some milk/vacuum the living room/bring us dinner/etc. I thought that they handled it really well. I'd mentioned to them before that I hadn't planned on having her at the birth, but I wasn't sure if they'd remember that or not. They may or may not have remembered, but they were really great with how they delicately put things.
Tuesday, December 23rd
After some delays, we finally bought a Christmas tree at 6:30 that evening. We were planning to wait until the last pre-Christmas weekend, but life happened, and we ended up having to drive to a nursery across town because everyone else was sold out. We did get a nice looking Balsam Fir for 50% off and got the last floor-protecting mat. Phew!
I started wrapping presents at 10pm that night. Nothing like a little procrastination =)
Wednesday-Thursday, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day
Dan and I both took the 24th off, which allowed us to wrap the remaining presents and decorate the tree before 2pm, when we loaded up the car and went to his parents’ house. I insisted that we put the presents under the tree for five minutes before packing them up again.
Spending the day with his family was wonderful. All his relatives crowd into his parents’ house for big holidays and it’s usually loud but fun. His nieces and nephew had to wait a little longer than they could handle before opening presents, and the 2 year old started ripping open anything she could reach. At one point, I watched the two little ones take a bath while others played Balderdash without them causing any mayhem. They were remarkably peaceful splashing around the tub.
The baby got a few books and I got some outerwear I’d requested. Other than that, I’d asked my MIL to buy the baby a dresser for our gift, and we’ll be finding one later this week.
The last few years we’ve slept on uncomfortable mattresses at the IL’s, but this year we left around 11pm to go to Midnight Mass, then went home to sleep. Last year, I stayed up until 3am making lefse and my family barely ate it, so I won’t make that mistake again.
Christmas morning we went to my grandma’s house for brunch with my parents, sister, and aunt. I specifically told people not to buy me clothes this year, since everything will either fit for only two months, or not until next winter, and that seems silly. My aunt and grandma usually get me lots of clothes, so I asked for Tupperware instead. Between the two of them and my mom, I was able to put all my baking supplies in clear, stackable containers that night. It was far more fun than organizing flour ought to be =)
Early that afternoon, we went to my parents’ and exchanged gifts with them. My parents still put out stocking for us too, so we had those to unwrap. They never made a big deal about Santa—Santa filled our stockings with little things like gum and tape and maybe books. The big gifts were always from them, not a man from the North Pole. Dan and I are debating whether to have Santa at all, but at the most, I’d follow my parents’ example.
I conked out on the couch for a couple hours while others scurried around preparing for dinner with my mom’s parents and brothers. I was just glad we got to stay at the house. We draw names for gifts with Mom’s family and that works well. Everyone gets a couple things without feeling like they need to bring gifts for everyone.
Around nine, we were finally ready to go home. My mom had loaded her minivan with all the garage sale baby stuff she’d bought over the summer. As part of the deal, she and my sister drove out to our house to help us unload it all. We were able to fit all the clothes and toys in the nursery closet and put the bigger equipment along one wall in the basement. I’m glad it won’t take up TOO much space before we’re ready to start arranging it all.
Friday, December 26th
That morning, I met up with Becky G, whose pregnancy diary is currently three below mine. We live a few hours apart, but she was in town for the holidays. We met at a neighborhood coffee shop, then went to two local baby stores. It was fun to be around another third tri preggo—she looked great for 35+ weeks! We seemed to have the same approach to shopping and baby gear—why pay $300 (or much more) for a crib if you don’t need to? One of the stores had a $2000 pram and a $1500 iron crib with lacy curtains. Insanity, I tell you. They did have some reasonable stuff too, and I’d rather support a locally owned shop than BRU, so I might go there for things like a car seat or high chair. I had fun showing her around Peapods, which is much more my style. I bought my first nursing bra (Bravado) and we both tried on slings. I wish she lived closer because hanging out with her was great!
At 3pm, I went to my friend Kristina’s house for my first shower. Kristina and I have been friends since first grade, although some years we’ve been in better contact than others. She’s the only one of our high school friends who also lives in town. We rarely get together unless the others are around for holidays, but it’s nice knowing that she’s there. Over the summer, she offered to throw me a shower, which was awfully generous given that we didn’t even see each other in the meantime. It was four of us girls, plus our moms and my sister. We ate lots of good food (and hot cocoa with homemade marshmallows—have you even heard of such a thing?) and played a few games, but mostly we were catching up since we’d last seen each other. They didn’t go too crazy seeing my round belly, but I guess it’s a good thing that I don’t look THAT different =) They all brought very nice gifts—some wooden teething rings, a sweater, a hand-crocheted blanket, and Dan’s favorite—a Leapfrog drum. Kelsey (my sister) also gave me the HappyTushies diaper accessories I’d picked out online while visiting her in Indiana.
After the shower, Kristina and I went back to my house and had dinner with Dan and another high school friend. We’d planned for all the shower-goers to come over and made way too much food, but in the end, I was glad it was just the four of us—it was easier to hold up a conversation that way. And we had lots of leftover spaghetti!
Saturday and Sunday, December 27th - 28th
We didn’t have to be anywhere on Saturday, which was a nice, calm break in the stream of holiday get-togethers. We still had Mom’s mini-van, so I made use of the second vehicle and did some shopping. More Target plastic bins, mainly. I looked at the fabric store for curtain patterns and material, but felt really worn out suddenly and went home. After sleeping for a couple hours, I went back to work rearranging old photo albums so I wouldn’t need to leave the couch. At least I ate something (the real reason I was wiped out, I think) and didn’t wait for Dan to come home.
I did notice a number of Braxton-Hicks that day. I wasn’t having as much water as usual, so I’m assuming that was the cause. Dan saw one that morning and another in the early afternoon, and I saw a few more later in the evening. Going from none to a bunch was weird, but I haven’t had any since, so things should be okay. I still can’t feel them—I only notice them if I happen to feel my belly as they’re occurring.
Sunday was a lot more hectic. We went to church, then to Home Depot where we got 3 big pieces of hardwood plywood to make bookshelves. We fit those into the minivan somehow, switched cars, and picked up our niece to see a play. We swapped drivers so we could eat as we drove. The play, “A Little House Christmas”, was alright, and 10 year old Madeline seemed to enjoy it. She’s starting the preteen “I’m too cool for everything” phase and we refused to get her a Hilary Duff CD for Christmas, so I’m glad this went over fairly well. We were home for an hour before heading to another couple’s house for another party. Yikes. This was more social engagements than we’d had since summer.
Monday, December 29th
We went out to dinner with my parents and then had some college friends over to our house for dessert and they stayed until nearly midnight.
Tuesday, December 30th
We had a restful evening. My hips were bothering me all day—that stiff feeling didn’t go away like it usually does—so I took a long bath. It didn’t keep the soreness from coming back today, but it felt great while I was there!
Wednesday, December 31st
Dan and I both fell asleep after coming home from work, so we’re going to eat a quick dinner then go to a friend’s small party. I was thinking about skipping the whole thing and staying home watching DVD’s, but there will be few enough people there that it should be fun instead of stressful.
I didn’t realize until writing all this out how busy we’ve busy! Holy cow! No wonder my hips are staging a protest. As of Monday, I thought I was getting off pretty easy for being so far into the third trimester, but maybe it’s catching up with me. The acid reflux has been very occasional lately, which is a big relief.
My belly keeps getting bigger and bigger—I’m wondering how much larger it might get. My stretch marks are getting wider, but are still pretty light. It’s somewhat fascinating to see how my skin is moving to accommodate this baby. Other times, I just find it disturbing.
The baby has been consistently kicking high since my last prenatal. I felt one kick REALLY high yesterday. I asked the baby what he was doing up there. Still not in my ribs, though.
I’ve started telling people how many weeks, instead of months, I have left. I’ll have to find a different approach once my due date gets closer to avoid their getting hung up on my due date, but for now it’s fun to say that I have eight weeks to go. Really, it could be anywhere between five and ten.
In house news, we’ve decided against Corian countertops, but are wavering between Silestone and laminate. It’s goofy because those are on opposite sides of the spectrum, but since we’d use the same sink for either, the price difference isn’t too extreme. We found out today that the cabinet delivery has been pushed back a week to January 14th or so. I was just getting excited that things would be happening next week. As long as our sink is functional once the cabinets are in but the counters aren’t, I hope not to freak out too much. As I feared, the counter installation will probably be happening in mid-February, and that’s closer to baby-arrival time than I wanted. Nothing we can do about it now. I’m trying to not choose laminate purely because it would arrive a week or two earlier. We’ve arranged for someone to paint the kitchen after the old cabinets are down and before the new ones are up and to paint the baby’s room while he’s at it. That room is going to be a lot harder because the walls need to be sanded down since wallpaper and patch jobs can be seen through the current paint. If it wasn’t for that, we’d paint it ourselves. The bookshelves will be built either during or after the kitchen is done.
How is it that I manage to write a novel no matter how many days or weeks I cover?
TTM: Do any homebirthers have advice for how I could handle an ambush like that again? How did you ease the soreness in your joints as you got closer to the end? Are we going to become hermits after dealing with holiday get-together overload?
Happy New Year to All!
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