I have to admit, though, that the Lord really did communicate something to me the other day. When I was all depressed and weepy last week..well, it basically stems from being really stressed about the upcoming guilt that will surely be piled on by grandparents for 'taking away their only grandchild.' I am talking about both sets of grandparents. I didn't realise just how much I was stressing, and how much that one factor was the driving force of wanting the baby early. I figured that the earlier he came, the more time he could be in the hands of grandparents and the less guilt they would pile on while I am trying to recover from childbirth and adjust to parenthood.

So, I was sitting on the couch in the computer room really feeling sorry for my self when I distinctly heard the Lord say, "Amy, it's not your problem to worry about." Whoa, was I blown away, I tried to argue, but I heard it again, "Amy, it's not your problem, and it is out of your control. Let me deal with everyone."

Well, I will say this -- I am not jumping and leaping for joy or being blasé about 'taking the baby away,' but I am holding onto what I heard for when I start to get the freaked-out feeling. Letting go is the root of pretty much all the problems in my life. I simply don't do it. I am so performance - oriented and aiming to please that I stress all the time. But, I think that having a child and realising that you can no longer plan too far in advance anymore is the perfect place for God to be teaching me how to apply that to the rest of my life. But, damn, is it hard!

15 January 2000 -- 16 days to go..

These days are dragging like they will never end. I wish I could slip into an oblivious sleep and wake up when labour starts. This is really annoying!

16 January 2000 -- 15 days to go

Sigh. My body hurts. The muscles right outside my vaginal area and down my thighs hurt so much that I hate trying to get up, and it hurts to walk. It almost feels as if I have already given birth. I mentioned this to Jon and he said, "Hey you've been so forgetful lately, maybe you DID give birth and just don't remember." I pinched him for that one.

Church was interesting today. All these women kept coming up to me wanting to know how much longer and where I was going to deliver. A couple even wanted to give me their phone numbers and have me call them when I am in the hospital.

It was a little awkward. I mean, my church is full of such nice people, but we have been going there since May and don't know anyone very well. Our church doesn't have any what I call 'extra-curricular' activities. No bible studies (except one that meets two times per month in the morning -- that makes it hard when you work), no prayer groups, no nuthin' but church on Sunday and a little coffee afterwards. It's really hard to make friends that way (for me, anyway). It's hard for us to reach out because we don't have a home to invite people to and I love to entertain. Enough of that -- we are only here for three more months.

The other weird part is everyone naturally assumes this is my first baby. That leads to lots of advice and comments about not trying to 'scare' me. I know it's all given out of love and concern and I really appreciate it, but sometimes I just want to say, "Yeah, I know, I've done this before." But I can't because that just makes things complicated.

Well, I have decided that this baby is never coming out and I am just going to live my life and make plans as if that is the case. I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, a meeting with our priests on Wednesday afternoon and special church service on Wednesday evening, a hair appointment on Thursday afternoon and a prayer group meeting on Thursday evening. This is probably the busiest week I have had since we moved here! Plus, I have already scheduled my next chiropractor appointment, a dermatology appointment and 'Get your taxes done by your accountant' appointment. So there, Iain! Tttthhhpppptttthhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

17 January 2000 -- 14 days to go..

Well, it's happened. I HAVE SWELLED!!!!!!! My face is puffy, my hands are puffy and my feet look like Fred Flintstone feet! ACK!

18 January 2000 -- 13 days to go.

Um, I think I lost my mucus plug this morning. I also think my water may have broken.I am have having painful contractions. I have a doctor appointment in two2 hours. Maybe I'm in labour! Woo woo!

4 p.m. update -- Doc said I am at about 3 centimeters. He didn't think that the fluid I leaked this morning was from my bag-o-waters, but it sure as heck didn't seem like pee to me. I've been oozing pink mucus every time I pee and that is about every 10 minutes or so. My contractions are irregular but average 6-7 per hour. And they hurt like hell!!! Yippee! I think soon and very soon I shall see my kid!

Send those labour vibes :o)

Love,

Amy