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December 13, 2002
WARNING!!
this is kind of rambling and long and I didn't proof it. Actually it may not make much since at times because it is kind of just thoughts that were flowing.
I just thought I would share some of my thoughts. I guess for some of you first time moms this may be a little insight to what things wemoms of multiple pregnancies think about. Or at least things I think about.
I know it has only been a few days since I posted, but things are kind of slow this afternoon at work and I have been doing some thinking.
Here lately, well actually since I found this site about 2 1/2 months ago, I have really been doing a lot of thinking and kind of soul searching.
As a mother of 3 wonderful children all ready I knew and do know that I have really been blessed. The Lord has really been awesome to me in the baby department of my life. I'm not sure I mentioned it before, but those little blessing are what kept me in my first marriage and with their father for 11 yrs, even after we were divorced.
Anyway, after doing all the reading I have done I realize that I'am so much more fortunate than I ever realized. I have always read as much as I could with all of my pregnancies. All the new finding all the new products. and all the new ways to do things. I guess the one thing I never really read much about or never found much info on was miscarriage. I don't know if it wasn't out there, or it just wasn't published much about, or the fact that I chose not to read about it and ignored info on it because I didn't want to think about it. Everything else in my life seemed so unsure, I didn't ever want to think about something like that to have my world crash down around me.
The information that I have received with this pregnancy through the OB office and things they had me send away for, has along with these sites on iparenting have made me painfully aware of the subject. As I told you in my intro or somewhere in the begining, we were not even trying to conceive when I became pregnant. Just that in itself is a small miracle. When I was in my early 20's I had a little trouble getting pregnant. But as I read the stats on my odd now being over 30 I was shocked. I had like a 30% less chance of even being able to become pregnant than when I had my first children. That was amazing to me. Right then and there I realized just how much more I was being blessed with the new pregnancy and the odds that were against it, yet it happened so easily. I don't mean to be bragging or anything like that, and I'm sorry to all of you that maybe reading this and have had to deal with or are still dealing with infertility, my heart really goes out to you and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Back to the subject of m/c. Like I said I never read much on them. I seriously thought that they happened in the 1st trimester and was very very rare to happen any other time. I have been totally shocked at all the ladies on here that have had 2nd trimester losses. I can not even imagine the pain and heartache that produces. When I was 15 wks with my 2nd pregnancy I started bleeding, out of nowhere blood came gushing(not spotting out of me. I about went crazy, and proceeded to call my OB, there response was that I was probably having a late m/c. It took everything I had to not go totally nuts. As they suggested I layed down and tried to remain quiet, which was not the easiest thing with a 3 yr old running around. The rest of that afternoon and evening seemed like it lasted forever. By the next morning the bleeding had stopped and a few days later the Dr. had me come in to check things. The never did know what the cause was, but I had it again at 30 wks and he was the little one that I was on bedrest with and decided he wasn't staying in past 37 wks.
Something else I forgot to mention in the last post about my u/s and appt. As Jimmy and I were leaving the office I happened to remember that I forgot to ask about my AFP and the triple screen tests. They had told me no news is good news, but somehting told me I needed to ask anyway. It was a good thing I did. My test results had never been received. The nurse that walked us out had told me she would find out while we were checking out and scheduling my next appt.
After waiting about 10 min she came back and said she couldn't find it, but would call me at work when she did. A couple of days went by and I didn't hear anything. Just as I was getting ready to call them again, they called me. She said that one of the numbers had been off and they had to request my results from the Lab down in FLorida. I guess my worries about the no news thing were warranted. Nothing was wrong, and I thank the Lord for that, but what if there had been, what if I hadn't asked and they never realized the results weren't there. I have always been a worry wart and this time it payed off.
Well it is about time to go home so I guess I will be finishing up this entry.
Like I said I was just kind of thinking out loud and decided to write down some of the things I had been thinking about. And I wanted to acknowledge how much I realize how truely blessed I'am. There are days I just sit here when we aren't busy, or at night, and just think about this little guy. He is so active and I wonder what he is doing in there. I wonder if he knows how much we love him already and how anxious we are to be able to one day hold him and have him as part of our family. Even though I have been a mom for almost 12 years now, I wonder if I will be able to give this little guy everthing he needs and will we be able to make him aware of just how much he is loved.
I sometimes doubt the things and ways I have done with my other children and I want to make sure I get everything right with this one. Of course I know it will be so different with this child because he not only has siblings who love him, but a mommy and a daddy that will be watching out for him and providing a loving homw for him, something my other children did not have all of. Our lives will be so much different this time for everyone involved.
Hope you all have a wonderful weekend and enjoy time with your families. Makes sure you give those little lots of hugs and kisses and tell them how much you love them or tell that little one growing inside how mush you love him/her.
Thanks for reading!
May God bless every one of you!!
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