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Candace's Diary Entries

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January 3, 2003

January 1st, 2003-January 3rd, 2003


Happy New Year, everybody! I have been adjusting to my new life as the mom to two daughters. And Alexandria has been adjusting to life as the oldest as best as can be expected. And Victoria is adjusting to life outside the womb. Ha, ha. And poor Al is adjusting to my never-ending list of demands and trying to keep Alexandria busy and out of my hair.


Clarifications on the Birth Story

There are some aspects of my birth story I would like to stress. I am not sure how well I did that when I was writing it, because I was somewhat out of it. I’m more mentally acute now, but I’m not 100%. I know I won’t feel “on” until about 6 months postpartum, which is roughly the same time I expect someone to go the entire night without waking. LOL

Anyway, it was really important to me to delivery “naturally” with no pain medication. I don’t want to be a “martyr” any more than anyone else, but this was something I felt I was physically able to do, and it was something I had to do for *me*. I suppose in some cases that makes me weird, but that’s okay. Anyway, I don’t think I mentioned how proud (that’s not really what I mean, but for lack of better word, I’ll stick with it) I was of myself that I was able to make it. At home I was wishing so much for that epidural, and I wondered if I would be able to make it. As soon as I arrived in the L & D room, I forgot all about it. I know it’s weird, but I felt better taken care of in the hospital than I felt at home. I was losing control at home, but I felt so much calmer at the hospital. Perhaps it’s better I was unable to do a homebirth, after all.

The nurses and Sue (my doula) mentioned throughout (and afterward) how in control I was during labor. Trust me, I didn’t feel that way at the time, but I’ll take their word for it. In fact, I felt like everything was progressing so quickly, and I felt like I hardly had a moment to catch my breath and think. Which brings me to another aspect of Victoria’s birth that I found “interesting”. It was intense. That’s the only word to sum it up. The pain was kicked up a notch, and it seemed that someone pushed the fast-forward button. I have always seen myself as the woman whose cervix took it’s sweet time dilating. I fully expected my second crack at labor to be just like the first, maybe a wee bit faster. Ha, ha. I’m better prepared for next time, at any rate. LOL

Actually, that’s another thing I found surprising. During labor, and a few days thereafter, I was convinced I was done with pregnancy and with having more children. I guess labor was tougher than I thought (and worse than the first time), so that I decided I wouldn’t be able to do it again. Now, here’s the weird part: I have the baby itch so badly it’s disturbing! I want to go through it all again, as soon as possible! I’m not even 6 weeks postpartum, and here I am entertaining the thought of number three. LOL I don’t know what’s gotten into me. Obviously, we won’t be doing anything about this for a while. We have our hands full with Victoria. And she’s perfect, so I don’t know why I’m even thinking about number three right now. Must be some crazy hormones or something!


Candace and Al’s Excellent Placental Adventure

Last I had written, we had just been released from the hospital. In case I didn’t mention it, we were kept at the hospital for 48 hours because I tested positive for GBS, and Victoria didn’t get the full two doses of antibiotics since I delivered so quickly. Anyway, when I was discharged, I was feeling pretty okay. I had problems with my hips and some problems walking, but it was mainly stiffness from the awful hospital beds and whatnot. I just couldn’t get comfortable in them, and I had rug burn on my elbows from it. After delivery (with both kids) I had a hard time getting around. Anyway, my bleeding was starting to go away (it had greatly diminished to the point where I was using regular store-bought mega pads, instead of hospital-grade pads) and it turned brown. TMI, I’m sure. Sorry about that! So, when I got home, we settled down, and I felt as good as is possible under the circumstances.

The following day (oooh, this made me so angry!) we had to take Victoria to the pediatrician. I have no idea why. We had just been discharged from the hospital (Sunday) and here it was Monday, and we were back at the doctor’s. I was extremely unhappy that we had to traipse all the way there, for a check-up that I didn’t feel we needed. Anyway, she weighed her birth weight, so she had started gaining weight! The nurse was surprised that a breastfed baby could gain it all back so quickly. And she shrunk: her height was now 19 ¾ inches. Of course, I believe the hospital more than the crank-job done by the people there. LOL Needless to say, Victoria was found to be in perfect health (duh) and we were sent home.

In between here and when I started feeling worse (Wednesday), I did a lot of running around. We went to Target to buy a wedding present for a friend of mine who had gotten married. We went to the reception briefly. However, I will admit that I was hurting very badly at Target. All the standing and the walking made it feel like my insides were coming outside. Ouch. I was extremely crabby, and it was not improved when every gift we picked from the registry was sold out. Arrgh!

Then, Wednesday afternoon, it happened. If you’re weak of stomach, skip these next few paragraphs! Al was at the store with Alexandria, and I was filling my huge water canister (that I drink out of, it holds over 1 liter!), and I felt a gush of blood. I went to the bathroom to check, and it was dripping pretty quick. I wondered what was up, but since I didn’t soak a pad in an hour, I wasn’t too concerned. I started to feel worse, as in it became harder to walk and I just started to hurt in my more tender parts if I stood for too long. I spent a lot of time just sitting with Victoria and crabbing to myself about how could I feel worse than I had yesterday?

By Christmas Eve, I still felt pretty awful. I made myself take a shower, but I hurt a lot, and wished I could have sat down whilst soaping myself down. After a while I visited the bathroom again. When I went to wipe, I felt something. I looked. And there was this glob of tissue about the size of a racquet ball hanging there. I gently pulled it, and realized it was still attached. Now, laugh at me, if you will, but I thought, “OMG, is it my uterus?” I was freaked out. I poked it, and since it didn’t hurt, I figured it couldn’t be my uterus. I called Al in to have a look, actually I think I said, “Do we need to call a doctor about this?” Al said heck yes. Merry Christmas.

I called them, and after being shuffled to about 3 different people, they told us to come into the ER. I dawdled a lot, I didn’t really want to go. I wanted to stay home, and pass it out by myself for free. Plus, I imagined it would hurt to get it out, and I wasn’t looking forward to intense pain. By 10:00 or 11:00 p.m. we went in. As I was waddling into the ER, I could feel more of the yucky thing sliding out. Had I known it was all out, I would have turned around and gone home.

I filled out a form, then waited. Then I got seen, then shoved into a room. Then I waited. And waited. And waited. Alexandria was unhappy, Al was exhausted, Victoria was crabby, and I was regretting coming in at all. The doc on call came in, and said it was entirely detached, and proclaimed it a wad of placenta. I got to examine it, and it did not smell sweet. It was pretty large (I’d say it was maybe 6 inches by 2 inches), large enough that the doc on call wanted the ob on call to take a look at me. Only, she happened to be in surgery at the time. About 70 minutes later (and the placenta getting knocked on the floor by an unhappy preschooler), she came to look at me. She suggested a D & C. She said my cervix looked “scuzzy". I said no way. She then said I could go in and get an ultrasound the following day, after I talked to the midwives. I found that acceptable, and said find. She wrote me out a prescription for Cephalexin, and we were on out way. We got home at 1:00 a.m. Merry Christmas, indeed.

When I called the midwives, they let me decide what to do. My bleeding was slowing down, and I didn’t have any signs of infection, so I elected to do nothing. She said if I was more comfortable, I could get an ultrasound, but I didn’t see the need. I felt a lot better since passing it, and I knew insurance wasn’t going to pay for it (or at least not much of it), so I just took it easy and drank a bunch of water and took my antibiotics.

I can’t help but to hate that little hunk of placenta. It most likely caused me to get another ultrasound when they saw something covering my cervix at 17 weeks. It caused me to miss buying Alexandria a cake for her birthday, as well as balloons and other things I wanted to get for her birthday. I also didn’t get to take the girls to the mall to get their pictures taken with Santa. I was really upset about that, as well. I wanted to do so many things but I felt so damn bad, that I just couldn’t do it. And while I could have had Al do those things, (a few of which he did do) it just wasn’t the same.


Normalcy?

But I’m feeling much better now (anyone remember that line from Night Court?). I went to the mall with Victoria a few days ago, and we did some serious shopping. I also went yesterday with everyone to buy some calendars. I felt pretty good. At least I wasn’t in pain while I was strolling around.

Victoria is just an angel. I am learning the things she likes best (how she sleeps best), how she likes to be held, what calms her down, and what aggravates her. She’s a bit different from Alexandria in those regards, so I am trying my best to figure out what works for her. She’s definitely more vocal! She has the hiccups at least once a day (just like when she was inside!), she makes quite an assortment of coos, gurgles, squeaks, and all other sorts of noises. She’s too cute. She sleeps much of the time still. She’s already had her first bath, which she didn’t enjoy. However, her belly button is still bleeding. I can’t figure out from where, though. Every time I clean it off, I can’t find where the blood is coming from, it must be more inside the belly button. I hope there isn’t a problem, and it will heal soon enough.

I also updated her web page with some new pictures. So, if you want to see them (including a ghastly picture of me in the hospital!), go to
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/s/seaurchin/

Well, that’s all for now. I will do one last entry, and then close this diary. I’m not sure if I’m going to start new one at Babies Today or Moms Today, or none at all. We’ll see!

Till next time,

Candace and Victoria



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