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January 27, 2002
January 27
31 Weeks
It’s been sort of a weird week - eventful in a lot of ways I guess, and some new but odd developments.
How I Feel
Certainly less than great. I know I have mentioned this in prior, recent entries, but m/s is really kicking it up a notch these days. I am sick almost every day, usually midday, and it is sometimes so bad only lying down will ease the nausea. Eating usually does nothing at all which brings me to my next subject - my appetite.
I have always had a voracious appetite. Feeling full is something that didn’t happen to me very often. I remember in high school once, on the way home from track practice, I stopped at a local pizza parlor and ordered a whole pie. I brought it home and took it up to my room. I then proceeded to eat that whole pizza - a full eight slices - all by myself, and still didn’t feel full afterward. Of course, my metabolism was something else then. I didn’t even gain an ounce. Thank God I learned to curb that appetite in these recent years otherwise I could have ended up being HUGE. Anyway, now that I am in my last trimester, I get full after only a few bites. Try as I might, I have to force myself to eat now because I feel so sick afterward. Charles brought home a pizza one night this week (my favorite), thinking that he could entice me to eat more than I usually do. I ate half a slice and felt so sick, like my stomach was going to explode. Charles convinced me to finish the slice and when I did, I had the worst sensation of not being able to breathe. It was like my lungs had collapsed or something and I couldn’t get enough air. It was the first time I ever gave any thought to what asthmatics must go through, it really was an awful feeling. So, now I eat only what I can and no more. Of course, this means that I will go for long periods of time without eating which I know is not healthy for the baby. The other day I ate lunch at two o’clock - a bowl of vegetable soup. At 9:30 that evening is when I realized that I had not eaten a thing since, and I felt so guilty, like a really bad mother. I immediately force-fed myself a can of peas and a tiny piece of chicken breast, again feeling quite sick afterward. The only way I have found to combat the breathing difficulties after eating is to stand up and stretch myself as tall as I can. That always seems to help me be able to breathe just a little better. Anything is better than that suffocating feeling.
Rapid Heartbeat
Another sensation I have been experiencing is a rapid heartbeat which occurs out of nowhere. It’s like I could be lying down, doing absolutely nothing strenuous, and all of a sudden my heartbeat just takes off like a racehorse and even feels like it is going to explode. It is the weirdest thing but I have heard other women complain of this so I am not concerned in the least.
Some Not-so Surprising and Some Disturbing Cravings
Getting back to my appetite, there is one thing that I have been craving every day now. Throughout this pg meat has basically disturbed me, I can eat it only some of the time and have never, ever once craved it. This was odd for me because pre-pg, I was a true meat lover, especially red meat. During pg, most meats turned me off, they all just had that terribly gamy smell. Recently however, I have been craving garlic & rosemary coated lamb chops. I actually made some last night and cannot stop thinking about them. Granted I could only eat about half a one, but still I’d kill for a lamb chop this very second.
With regard to cravings, I did have a disturbing occurrence this week which I will have to mention to my doctor at my Wednesday appointment. I woke up one morning with the strangest craving. Please don’t think I am weird or sick or anything, and before I tell you what it is, I can assure you I would obviously NEVER give in to this craving. The thing that I have now been craving all week is...Comet. Yes, like the cleanser. I keep it under the sink and use it to clean certain things every once in awhile but since I have been pg, I have basically stayed away from it because the scent is so strong. However, this one morning I woke up and just wanted it. God, what is wrong with me? That is so incredibly foul and gross but I wonder what it is that my body is lacking to make me crave something I have obviously never tasted, something so ridiculous? I have heard of pg women craving starch or lead, but Comet? Though I have no idea what it would actually taste like, something about the smell of it is actually appealing to me. And though I certainly don’t want to taste it, I do feel like I could sit and inhale the can for hours.
Fainting in Macy’s
I don’t know what the hell is going on with my system but something is definitely off. I went to the mall on Wednesday to meet some girlfriends from my swim class. I had had breakfast late that morning - a bowl of cream of wheat and some orange juice, about all I could stomach. When I arrived at the mall around noon, I started to feel weak as I entered the main entrance to Macy’s. All of a sudden I broke out into a cold sweat, my shirt was soaked and I was immediately overcome with incredible hunger. I started getting the shakes but felt if I could just make it into the main part of the mall and could get some food, I’d be OK. As I headed toward the main part of the mall, (which when you are ill looks about a million feet away), I started feeling even worse. I got as far as the shoe department and essentially collapsed on a bench. I was only out for about a minute, no big deal really but the salespeople looked at me like I was dying, patting me on the face and trying to “wake” me up. I reassured them I was OK, that I just needed food, and two of them were nice enough to run out and get me some. One lady even came back with a huge bar of chocolate from the Godiva store. As soon as I ate, I felt fine. Despite the protests from the salespeople, I went and met my girlfriends and felt great for the rest of the afternoon. It’s my own fault, I realize. I always plan to keep snacks in my purse - granola bars, crackers, even a piece of fruit for just such occasions, but I always forget to pack them when I go out. After this past week, I will not make that mistake again.
Though I have never fainted before in my life, getting the shakes and feeling faint when hungry have always been a problem for me. I had it checked out at the doctor’s a few times and they basically told me that I am a borderline hypoglycemic (low blood sugar) and to carry snacks with me. So, like I said, it is all my own fault. I should have known better especially since I am pg.
Lamaze
Hospital Room - Charles and I attended out first Lamaze class this past Thursday night. The class takes place at the hospital where I will be delivering and along with the class you get a tour of the hospital, which I am really looking forward to. I am very interested in seeing the rooms since I have heard so much about them. The hospital where I will have my baby is the main hospital in my area and the one with the best reputation and resources, which is why I chose a OBGYN practice who works out of this particular hospital. Unfortunately, with this particular hospital, private rooms are on a first come, first served basis, according to my Lamaze instructor. Meaning, even if your insurance provides for a private room, you still may not get one. At the risk of sounding like a prima donna, I really, really, really don’t want to share a room. The main reason I feel this way is because if I share a room with another patient, that means Charles can’t spend the night with me and the baby and can only visit during visiting hours, 12-8 p.m. Not to mention that I really would prefer not to share a bathroom with another woman who has just delivered a baby and who is bleeding as profusely as I am. A couple of women in my swim class as well as my swim instructor had to share rooms in this hospital and said the sharing of a bathroom is the worst part. Second worst to that is having your “neighbor’s” baby as well as yours in the room with you at night. (I mean, I DEFINITELY want my baby with me at night in the hospital, but no one else’s). This is supposedly a sure-fire way to guarantee that none of you will get any sleep. Not only would I not want me or my baby disturbed by another infant, but I would feel just as awful if my baby kept another woman awake or disturbed her child. Three nights with no sleep right after delivery does not sound like a picnic. My Lamaze instructor did inform us that you have a 75% chance of getting a private room, so not to worry, but it will cost you an extra $75/night -well worth it in my opinion. Of course, all I care about is leaving that hospital with a healthy baby, a room is not that big a deal, but obviously a private room would be a plus.
Lamaze Class- We had a really great time. All the couples in our class are fun, we all laugh a lot together. It is amazing to me how you can get a group of supposedly mature adults in one room who will all of a sudden fall apart in hysterics the minute the instructor mentions the word “labia.” Throughout the course of the 3 hour class, our instructor also talked about various other “issues” that would certainly entice any woman to become pg. She mentioned how, as a nurse working in the high-risk pregnancy unit, she has seen women come to the hospital with their uterus hanging outside the vagina, their cervixes hanging outside the vagina as well as golf-ball sized hemorrhoids. None of this sounds funny at all when you hear it, that is unless you are in a class full of people who are already giggling uncontrollably. The best part of the evening is when our instructor told us how after delivery, we will not only be wearing sanitary pads to catch the “lochia” (blood and other excretions), but we will also be given mesh diapers as well. When she said this, most of the men just lost it and were in hysterics. I didn’t see anything so terribly funny about that one, personally.
Aside from the gory parts, the class was pretty refreshing. I honestly can’t say if it will help me or not, but I like knowing that I have the potential tools to get me through labor just in case. For this first class, we only did breathing for about an hour or so. We were taught how to meditate through a contraction, inhale then exhale. We had to get on all fours and arch our backs and then lower our backs. Don’t even ask me what that was supposed to achieve, I completely forgot already. I’ll have to ask the instructor next week. In next week’s class we are supposed to bring an object with us to serve as our focal point when laboring. We decided to bring the teddy bear Charles bought when I found out I was pg. We have been sleeping with it every night since so it will have our scent. We hope to use it to comfort the baby in our absence, when s/he is crying and missing us.
Class meets every Thursday night from 7-10 and I have to say, it is a lot more fun than I would have expected. The instructor is also very nice, helpful and accommodating. I had to laugh when we took our break halfway through the class - everyone made a beeline for the soda machine and I was the only one who got water. Every last woman in the class got Diet Pepsi.. I never even realized that so many women drank diet soda in their pgs. I know it is not harmful to the fetus, it just seems sort of ironic to be trying to diet when you are pg, I mean why bother? Then again, I was the largest one in the class so maybe they know something I don’t. :) I still pretty much consider my weight a lost cause by now, something I will concern myself with after delivery.
Bumper Pads - our instructor informed us that the most recent studies with respect to SIDS indicate that bumper pads should not be placed in a crib. Apparently, once the baby is big enough to lift its head or move itself over to the side of the crib, a bumper pad can pose as a threat as it can suffocate the child. I was very disturbed to hear this and while I felt this could be overkill, I also felt that this could in fact be true. Of course, the superficial side of me wants to keep the bumper pads because they are so cute and really make the nursery. The practical side of me says get rid of them, it is not worth the risk. Charles’ answer was to put the bumper pads in the crib for show only and to remove them at night but that sounds not only like a lot of work but shallow as well. So, I ask you, would YOU have bumper pads in your baby’s crib after hearing this?
Womb Song Prenatal Sound System
I already have the Baby Beat Doppler which I have been using to listen to the baby’s heart throughout this pg. However, the other day Charles brought home this other neat little contraption called the Wombsong Prenatal Sound System. Not only does it allow you to listen to fetal movement, but it lets you play music (comes with a Mozart CD) directly to the fetus AND lets you record the baby’s movement onto a cassette. Though I love the Doppler and hearing the baby’s heart, it is so cool to be able to actually record kicks, hiccups and other little noises. Also, it is nice to have a direct and clear connection to the baby with respect to playing music.
Video Camera
I am loving our new video camera, it is such a great “toy.” Admittedly, it took us quite awhile to figure out all the different functions but I think we finally have the hang of it. It is amazing the difference between our older video camera and this new digital one. The only thing we have left to figure out is how to do the still photos on the computer. That one is giving us a little trouble but I am sure by the time the baby arrives we will have it all sorted out.
Charles keeps filming my stomach and a couple of times we were even able to record bumps and rolls which you can plainly see on the video. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to see a video of my own mother pg with me as her stomach rolled and moved.
We plan on videotaping the entire day of labor, starting with my first contraction at home, until the time we are back home from the hospital. Naturally, we will not be filming anything gory or traumatic - no blood or crotch shots, thank you. I would like film of Charles and I in the delivery room, which my mom will take and then again right after the baby is born when they place him/her on my stomach. Most important, I want to film “just enough” to capture the moment of it all, without actually “missing” the moment, do you know what I mean? Megan M. mentioned this once in an entry and I think she made a good point, that people often get so wrapped up in the filming that they forget to enjoy the actual event. We are going to do our best to film only what we need and enjoy our baby. Luckily though, my mother will be with us for most of the time so she will be able to do some of the filming too. I think it will all be a priceless gift that I hope my future child will one day treasure.
It’s Not Easy but it’s the Best
Pregnancy is definitely not easy. All this time I longed to be pg, I always thought I would breeze through it like a pro. I honestly (and arrogantly), believed that I would never be tired, never be sick and that I would have the energy of a triathlete. .Of course, none of this turned out to be true at all. However, I can say without a moment’s hesitation that as trying as some of this pg has been so far, it is easily the best thing that has ever happened to me. I will miss being pg more than anything I have ever missed in my life, and at the same time, I can’t wait until it’s over so that I can finally hold this little baby. It seems like every day I become more and more attached to this child. It’s amazing to me how this has happened over such a short period of time, and, without even having held or seen the child yet. There are times when I used to think, long ago, that if a best friend or close relative asked me to be a surrogate mother, that I could do it out of love for the person needing it. Now, I know there is no way I could. Even if it weren’t genetically mine, the bond and the love I already have is so strong, I honestly think I would die of grief if I had to give the child up, it would be impossible. I give credit to those selfless and brave women who can carry a child they know they can’t keep, either because they want it to have a better life or to help those who unfortunately cannot carry a child of their own. I wouldn’t have it in me, I am not selfless like that.
Until next week, love always,
Corinne and TD
EDD 4-1-02
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