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Corinne's Diary EntriesDiary Navigation: |
March 21, 2002
Cameron Blake’s Birth Story
March 14, 2002 - 37 1/2 Weeks Pg
The day started out rather frantically, having just found out the night before that I was going to be induced the next day due to my high blood pressure. In the morning, Charles and I got dressed and left around 11:00 a.m. to meet the photographer that was to take our pregnancy pictures. Nothing like waiting until the 11th hour, right? When we had originally scheduled this appointment, we had no idea that I would be induced that same day, so luckily we had scheduled our appointment early enough in the day that we were still able to have the pictures taken. Anyway, we spent about an hour with the photographer at a lovely park-like setting where the photographer took a variety of different photos - it was very special to have the pictures done that day because it was truly the last day we would spend pg together and I will treasure that memory always.
After we were done at the photographer’s, we headed home to wait for my mother who was coming up for the delivery. My father was staying home because he simply could not handle a labor and delivery type situation. He faints at the sight of blood and cannot stand to see loved ones in pain, so he decided to wait until the baby was born and come up to see us right after the delivery. While waiting for my mom, we cleaned the house (again) and did a lot of last minute calling to friends and family. After my mother arrived, we sat around and watched TV while we waited for 6:00 when we would leave for the hospital. I can’t speak for Charles but I was nervous as hell. I wasn’t nervous about the pain, necessarily, but moreso about the significance of it all. I just never thought that my labor and delivery would play out in this fashion, rather, I had always expected a labor intensive and extremely painful car ride to the hospital after my water breaking on the sofa.
At 6:00 we left for the hospital even though we didn’t have to be there until 7:00 and it only takes a half hour to get to the hospital. We were just really excited and nervous and were anxious to finally see our little baby. When we arrived at the hospital, we went straight up to the third floor to register. When we arrived in triage, there was a Lamaze class getting a tour of the hospital, just as we had only 3 weeks earlier. It was eerie not only because we had just gotten this exact tour ourselves but because the entire Lamaze class was eyeing me with my overnight bag as if I were the celebrity of the hour, as if I represented the culmination of all we experience as expectant parents.
After filling out a bunch of paperwork, the nurse escorted me to the labor and delivery room where I was asked to take off all my clothes and put on a hospital nightgown. The delivery room was very nice, almost like a hotel suite, with a TV, nice big bathroom and comfy sofa and reclining chair. After we had settled in, (me in the bed, Charles and my mom on the sofa/chair), I was put on I.V. and my blood pressure was taken. My BP was actually monitored throughout the entire L&D and at one point on Thursday night, it had reached 200/63 - this was when Doctor Hou came in and after introducing himself, told me that I had preeclampsia and that it was a great decision to have me deliver early. It was strange because although Dr. Hou is a doctor in my practice, I had never met him. Thankfully, he was one of the nicest doctors I have ever met and had an incredible bedside manner. At this point, Dr. Hou administered the Cervidil to my cervix. Cervidil is what they put on your cervix to (hopefully) start it dilating. The doctor took what looked like a big tampon on a string and put it on my cervix which I could hardly feel at all, then he left us for the rest of the night while two nurses came in to take my blood pressure and have me answer a plethora of health related questions - allergies, injuries, etc. At that point, I decided I was very thirsty and asked the nurse if I could have something to drink. I may have mentioned this once before but throughout the entire pg, I have been so thirsty all the time, I never seemed to be able to get enough to drink. When I asked for juice, the nurse told me that I was to have no food or drink until after the baby came. So then I asked her if I could have just a little water and she told me that I could have ice chips. It was then that I truly thought I would die, there was no way that I could go for countless hours with no liquid. By that time it was about 9:00 p.m. and the hospital cafeteria was closed. My mother and Charles were hungry so they pretty much abandoned me and went out to dinner at a nice restaurant nearby, wasn’t that sweet of them? (Just kidding, I really didn’t mind). While they were gone, I watched Friends and Will and Grace. All throughout the evening my BP was monitored, about every five minutes and let me tell you, that was the tightest BP cuff I have ever felt in my life. That thing was so tight I thought it was broken. It would squeeze my arm so hard, my hand would literally turn purple. I kept asking the nurse if this were normal and she assured me that it was. I didn’t believe her though and it was only after the delivery the next day that I noticed the bruises and red striations on my upper arm from where the BP cuff had squeezed me so tightly.
Around 10:30, Charles came back after taking my mother back to our place and he got settled in on the reclining chair. The doctor also came in and asked me how I was feeling, if I was having any contractions and I told him that I wasn’t. He checked my cervix and it still wasn’t dilated at all. He then told me I could have one tiny glass of ice water. So, the nurse brought me this tiny Styrofoam cup of ice with about a tablespoon of water in it. After she left and I drank the water, I was still so thirsty I said the hell with it and lumbered over to the bathroom, complete with my IV pole, and kept refilling and drinking my cup of water. I know I shouldn’t have, but I was dying, I couldn’t take it. After drinking my water, I went back to bed with Charles snoring softly next to me in his reclining chair. Thankfully the nurse gave me a sleeping pill (Ambien), which made me feel not only very sleepy but drunk. I slept very well that night despite my anxiousness for what lie ahead of us the next day.
March 15, 2002 - The Birthday
The next morning, I was wakened at 6:30 by the nurse and my cervix was checked for dilation. I was still not dilated at all so the cervidil was removed, the IV disconnected and I was told I could take a shower, which I did. After showering and returning to bed, the nurse came in to start me on Pitocin. My mom arrived at the hospital around 9 a.m. and from about that time until noon, Charles, my mom and I just sat around and waited for the bomb to drop, so to speak. Around 11, I still was not dilated but Dr. Hou tried to break my water anyway with this long knitting needle type thing. He shoved this thing up so far inside me I thought he had hooked a rib but he was still unable to break my water since I was still so tightly closed up. This was when Dr. Hou told me that if I didn’t dilate and the Pitocin didn’t help, I would probably end up having a C Section the next day. I have always said that I didn’t care how my baby was born just as long as I could actually HAVE a baby, nevertheless, I was mighty distressed to hear this news. Again, it wasn’t the pain that bothered me but just that I truly wished to experience a vaginal birth. Again, in the end it wouldn’t have mattered but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear.
Around noon is when I started having slightly painful contractions. When I say slightly painful, they were bad enough to hurt but not bad enough to where I was gripping the side rails of the bed and moaning in agony - that part was still yet to come, however. It was at this point (I think) that I spoke with Megan who advised me to get my epidural as quickly as possible and not wait in pain unnecessarily. My concern was that I didn’t want to be a baby about the whole thing and get an epidural if I truly didn’t need it right away. More importantly, didn’t want to get it too early and have it wear off. However, by about 12:30, the contractions started getting even worse and by 1:00 they started to be pretty bad. Still “doable” but painful, nevertheless. By 1:30 I finally asked to have an epidural and the anesthesiologist was then summoned to administer it. First, I was checked for dilation where it was discovered I was only 2 centimeters dilated.
All my adult life I have worried about getting an epidural. The pain is not what scared me but instead the very remote possibility of paraplegia - as my good friends know, this is one of my most major fears, right up there with the possibility of blindness or becoming a burn victim. Because of this fear, I have always been terrified of an epidural because the thought of a needle in my spine that has the ability to paralyze me was simply too awful to even contemplate. However, I still always planned on getting an epidural, I just hoped that I wouldn’t be in too much pain to be able to stay still while they administered it. It turns out, I shouldn’t have worried at all. That epidural was about the most uneventful needle I have ever received in my life, the worst part being the needle they stuck me with to numb the injection site. The actual epidural part of it was nothing, I didn’t even realize they had even started it until the nurse said we were already done. The funny part of it though was right before the anesthesiologist put the needle in, he asked “So Corinne, what is it that you do for a living?” When I told him I was an attorney he laughed hysterically and said that he wished he had asked me that question after he had given me the shot. I just told him that whatever he does, to please just not paralyze me, that was all I really cared about.
For the first 5 minutes of the epidural, life was grand. I was relaxed, pain free and enjoying the absence of contractions. Unfortunately, my enjoyment was ended too soon when Dr. Hou came in to break my water. Again, out came the knitting needle but this time my water was easily broken since I was 2 centimeters dilated. A gush of water came out but not a whole lot, certainly not what I expected. Dr. Hou said he’d be back to check on me but that if all went as expected, I would probably deliver my baby by midnight or early Saturday morning. When Dr. Hou left it was about 2:30 so I basically was preparing myself to settle in for about 9 or so hours of labor. Five minutes after Dr. Hou left however, I started having really painful contractions which I mentioned to my nurse. The nurse on duty at that time (Ninnette) was very friendly and nice to me. She said that the epidural may take a little longer to kick in but if I was still in pain, they could add more medication. After 20 minutes of more suffering, I was given more medication, not that it did an ounce of good. Even worse, I must have had some sort of allergic reaction to the epidural because I suddenly became itchy all over. It felt as though I had poison ivy all over my body so both my mother and Charles scratched my body for me. By that time, I was literally writhing in pain. I wasn’t screaming or acting ridiculous or anything like that, but I think I was biting the insides of my cheeks. The contractions were coming about 1/minute and hurt like hell, but you know what is weird? For the life of me, I cannot remember what they actually felt like. I don’t remember that particular sensation at all. Funny how that works, isn’t it? Anyway, as the contractions got worse, I was given an oxygen mask to help me breathe. I was gripping the side rails of my bed with every contraction and I remember I was definitely crying in pain, but not shouting, screaming or yelling. All I remember is apologizing to everyone for crying like a baby and telling them it wasn’t all that bad - total lie. It WAS that bad. (In fact, I will be posting a picture on my web page that shows me right before delivery with a look on my face of sheer agony). At about 3:15 is when some serious pain hit, it actually felt like I had to have a bowel movement (which thank GOD I did not) and that it was moving down against my spine. I am not sure if this is the infamous back labor that everyone talks about but it certainly felt like my back was playing a major role in the delivery process. By this point, I simply couldn’t take it anymore and asked my nurse if she could do something, at least top off my I.V. - something. Anything. And then I mentioned to her the way my back felt - Ninnette then got a strange look on her face and said she wanted to check me to see if I had dilated anymore since the 2 centimeters from 45 minutes earlier. When she did check me, it turned out I was almost 10 centimeters and that was when Ninnette freaked and called for the doctor who came running into L&D. Once he checked me and saw how far along I was, Dr. Hou rushed to get his scrubs on and then told me it was time to push. I remember being shocked that it was already time, and told the doctor that I didn’t want him to tell me the sex, that I wanted Charles to do it. Dr. Hou then asked me if I wanted a mirror so I could see the whole birth and I told him that I did. As I started to push, the pain was horrible, not due to contractions but because it felt like I was trying to push a fork out of me sideways. I told Dr. Hou that it felt like I had to go to the bathroom and he said that’s OK, push anyway, much to my mortification. (Sad that I am ready to deliver my child and all I can think about is how embarrassed I would be if I went to the bathroom on this man I just met).
I pushed once and saw the head in the mirror. I pushed a second time and the head just popped out of me like a jack in the box. As soon as I saw that little face, I knew it was a boy, I could just tell. With my third push, Cameron came into this world quiet as could be, uttering not one little peep. At that point Charles yelled, “It’s a boy!” and I yelled back “I know!” and we cried, we were so incredibly happy. Then they laid Cameron on my stomach and I was amazed to see how perfect he was. He had the smoothest skin which was very rosy and he was hardly slimy at all, almost like he had had a bath. Soon they whisked him away to take care of him which is when he finally started crying. In the meantime, Dr. Hou pushed down on my stomach to deliver the placenta and deal with the umbilical cord (I was in such a daze, I really don’t remember what he was doing with it, but I could see it hanging out of me from the mirror). Let me just say, I was stunned to see how long the umbilical cord was, I swear it looked to be about 6 feet long, and honestly, it was really (I know this will sound strange) - pretty. It almost looked like it was made out of lavender marble, not at all what I expected.
Next, Dr. Hou collected the blood from my umbilical cord for storage and placed the collection in our “kit.” Along with the cord blood, Dr. Hou was to collect my blood as well, however my veins were so small by that point, he had no choice but to take blood from my femoral artery which I was told was supposed to hurt terribly. Despite this warning, I didn’t feel one single pinch and wished they had simply taken it from there to begin with. Instead I had to endure countless first attempts all over my arms and hands which hurt a hell of a lot more. Once all the blood was collected, Charles called the delivery service that was to deliver our kit to Cryocell. It was all very simple and easy process and I would highly recommend Cryocell if you ever consider storing your baby’s cord blood.
After Cameron was cleaned up and checked out, he was given back to me all wrapped up and sweet. His Apgar scores were 9 and 9, he weighed 6 lbs, 12 0z, was 19 1/4 inches long and had a head circumference of 13.5. I was still in shock that I had had this baby so quickly, less than an hour of actual labor but I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised, my mom’s delivery of me was almost as quick.
I don’t remember much else after that., I was still in such a daze over the whole thing. I don’t even recall Charles cutting the cord or anything like that All I remember is holding Cameron in my arms while they wheeled me up to the room where we’d be staying for the next couple of days. I also remember reflecting to myself over the fact that I had had a son. I was ecstatic about it but still shocked because I thought I was having a girl but even more shocked that I was in love with this baby already. I never really realized until that moment what a mother’s love truly is.
When we got to our room, I was transferred to a bed and a new nurse came to help me with all the post delivery “issues.” She led me to the bathroom and showed me how to clean myself off, how to put on pads and all the other medicinal goop that goes along with a delivery. When I saw how much blood I was losing, I nearly died. Let me say, those of you who are awaiting delivery for the first time, trust me when I say you will be stunned to see how much blood you lose after delivery. No matter how hard you try to keep it clean, no matter how much of a neat freak you are, your bathroom will look like a battle scene from Saving Private Ryan, it’s that sick, not that you really care at that point.
The nurse kept asking me if I was in a lot of a pain or if I was tired and to be honest, I wasn’t at all. There was really no reason for me to be - I had had no episiotomy, (though I did tear internally just a little bit), and my actual labor was so short - three pushes. I never even broke a sweat. I have worked out harder at the gym during aerobics class so really, I wasn’t your typical exhausted pg woman. After finishing in the bathroom all I wanted to do was shower but they said I had to wait until the next morning, much to my chagrin. So instead I waited for them to bring my son back in the room since he was having all the standard tests performed in the nursery. When he was brought back into the room, the nurse scared me by doing the oddest thing. She lifted up Cameron’s little clear plastic bassinet about 4 inches and let it drop down to which I gasped. She explained that they do this to test his response, essentially, he is supposed to have that startled reflex and he apparently passed with flying colors.
For the rest of that day, and all of the next two, we fielded phone calls from family and friends, received visitors and best of all, got to know and fully enjoy our son. My dad came up around 6:00 that evening to meet his first grandchild and when he walked in the room and saw Cameron there in my arms, he just started crying. My dad is a totally sentimental guy and is not the sort of man who is too embarrassed to shed a tear. It was one of the sweetest moments of my whole birth experience and I will never forget it.
With each passing hour we became more attached and in love with Cameron than the next, he was (is) just the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen. :) Just a little biased here...We were also amazed to see how he changed from his birth day to the next. His hair went from being wavy to pin straight and his coloring turned from reddish to pale pink. We were and still are surprised to see that this baby has no brown in him at all. He is about the most non-ethnic looking baby you have ever seen, though I am sure that will change with time. It was and still is shocking to see how tiny he is because never in a million years did we think that we would have a smaller baby. We were expecting at least 8 or 9 pounds. His head is so small it looks like a softball and his legs are so little they look like chicken legs with all this extra skin on them. I realize I am not painting a very glorious picture of my son but trust me when I say he is beautiful!!!! He is perfect in every way and I couldn’t love him any more. But I just wanted to give you an idea of what he looks like, a true little dolly.
As I mentioned earlier, even though I was in love with him from the minute I saw him, my love for him grew stronger and stronger all the time. I was able to nurse him regularly and unless they were testing him for one thing or another, I always insisted on holding him. At night the nurses suggested I put Cameron in the nursery so I could get some rest but I absolutely insisted he stay with me, I so did not want to be away from him. Plus, because I am BFing, the nurses said they needed to bring him to me every 1 1/2 to two hours for a feeding, so it just made sense to me that he should be with me at all times. However, by about 3 am on Saturday night, I was so incredibly exhausted. I had been very worried that Cameron would stop breathing so I felt compelled to stay up and watch him in case he should stop. Needless to say, that eventually caught up with me and I called for the nurse to come take him for just a couple of hours until it was time to feed him again. After the nurse left with him, I tossed and turned for a half hour, I simply could not get to sleep. All I kept thinking was that he was crying for me in that nursery and that he needed me. So, I went back out to the nurse’s station and asked them if I could get my baby. They were all shocked to see me up already and asked me if I planned on sleeping at all. I simply told them that I missed him so much and hated being away from him so I really couldn’t sleep and they all laughed, they thought I was crazy, but sweet.
We were discharged from the hospital at 3:00 on Sunday afternoon. After dressing Cameron in his “going home outfit,” (which was swimming on him), we strapped him into his car seat and headed for home. Charles must have been driving about 30 miles an hour and I truly thought he had lost it when he asked me if he should put the flashers on. I shouldn’t make fun of him though considering I insisted on sitting in the back with Cameron - I need to see him at all times, you know.
I forgot to mention that we chose the name Cameron because it had always been one of our favorites from long ago. We went through so many names and kept coming back to Cameron. Originally the middle name was going to be MacGregor, not for any particular reason except that we liked it but at the last minute we toyed with the name Blake. Charles liked Blake better and thought it went well with both Cameron and Chappelle. We were still undecided until we went to have our pg pictures taken. The photographer brought her 6 yr. old Portuguese water dog with her and she was the most adorable and sweet dog we had ever seen. The dog’s name was Blake and it almost seemed sort of symbolic that we were having our pg pictures taken by a photographer whose dog happened to have the same name as one we were considering. I guess that makes us sound like morons giving our son the same middle name as a dog, but so be it - we loved the name. Plus, now Cameron and I have the same initials. :)
First Week With Cameron
What can I say except that my son is the absolute most beautiful, sweetest, cutest, loveliest child on this earth and I couldn’t love him more. I never used to understand when people would say they would give their life for their children. Of course, intellectually I understood the concept but emotionally, I had no idea what that would feel like. Now I do and what an incredible feeling that is. I would do absolutely anything for this baby and the thought of anyone hurting him is enough to turn me into a raging animal.
Even though I don’t have a daughter and have no basis for comparison, I have to say that there is nothing like the bond between a mother and son, even this early I can tell that much. Though I had always said I wanted a girl one day, I am so, so glad I had a boy. I am sure if I had had a girl I would be saying the same thing but still, I never knew it would be this great. There is something about a little boy that is so different than a girl, not that one is better than the other, just different, and I am so grateful that I was blessed with the chance to experience this special bond. It is also so wonderful to watch Charles with his new son. Because Charles’ dad died when he was only 9 years old, Charles missed out on a lot of father/son activity and bonding and I know he is so happy to have a son to share all this with now.
Cameron is a great sleeper and he almost never cries except when being changed. Apparently he hates to be naked or cold. Cameron nurses fabulously, he has no problem with that whatsoever, even though I had been using a bottle to supplement his feedings until my milk supply came in.
Cameron is a very strong little guy, to be so tiny. I put him in his bassinet the other day (which he likes as long as it is DAY time, at night he refuses to sleep in it), and was shocked to see him roll over. This means I will have to exchange his sleep positioner as it warns on the instructions to remove the positioner once your child can roll. Cameron also has (what I perceive to be) incredible head and neck muscle control. He can hold his head up very easily and loves to move his head from one side to the other. He also likes to be put in a standing position and bounce his teeny little legs off your chest or stomach - too sweet for words.
Cameron has two favorite things, one of which is his pacifier (he will take anything with a nipple). He also just recently started thumb sucking or even putting his fist in his mouth if he doesn’t have a pacifier. I’d rather him suck a pacifier rather than his thumb so we try to make sure he always has one available.
The other thing Cameron loves is being held. Cameron despises being “untouched” - if he doesn’t feel your arms around him he starts to lose it a little - I can see exactly where this is going. Of course, we have only made it worse because we hold him all the time. Someone told me that I need to let him just cry it out otherwise I’ll spoil him. My feelings about that are if the worst thing I do to my baby is “spoil” him by holding him and kissing him and loving him too much, then I can live with that and sleep well at night. I think the only risk I run is turning him into a decent, loving, caring, and sensitive man, just like his dad. I feel that this is part of my duty as the mother of a son, to raise a boy to be good man, just like his father. Part of the way you do that, I think, is to be affectionate and loving with your child and to teach him that actually showing love and affection are a good thing. So, if I am spoiling him by responding to his cries, so be it.
How I Feel
Exhausted, to be honest. The only reason for that is because I am so paranoid about Cameron not breathing that I cannot stand to sleep at night. He sleeps (he slept through the night for the first time on Tuesday night) for six hour stretches without eating and I get up during the night to express my milk which I freeze for later use. I know it sounds like a long time for him to go without eating but he seems to eat so much during the day that I guess he just feels comfortable sleeping at night and I feel funny waking him to eat if he is sleeping so soundly. I plan to ask my pediatrician about this at his one week appointment tomorrow, just in case. It seems to me like a baby should not go too long without food but then again, what do I know?
Of course, the only way Cameron will fall asleep is if you are either holding him or lying next to him touching his face or his hands. If not, he will not fall off to sleep and will instead start to fuss. Once he is out though, he is out for the night so we consider ourselves very lucky.
My milk finally came in yesterday and I almost wish it hadn’t. My breasts now feel and look like two flotation devices and are as hard as bowling balls. They also feel like someone has lit a fire inside of them and hurt ten times worse than that, especially since I am now using a breast pump. When I actually use the breast pump, I always burst into tears in the beginning because the pain is that bad. But, it is all worth it for him, I certainly could endure a hell of a lot worse than that.
I weighed myself when I came home and I was pleased to discover I lost 19 lbs since the delivery. Since coming home I have lost another 6 lbs for a grand total of 25 lbs, some of which I attribute to swimming during pg, most of which I attribute to nursing. In fact, since I have started nursing him regularly, my stomach size has shrunk tremendously and I am able to wear my pre-pg shirts and tops. My butt and hips are another story of course, (they are a nightmare), but at least my stomach is looking quite decent. Even my belly ring holes have retreated back to their original spot. So, I am now a believer and would strongly advocate BFing, mainly because of the benefit to the child, but also because of the benefit to your figure.
I can say without an iota of a doubt that the birth of my son is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I love him liked I have loved nothing else. I stare at him constantly, kiss him all the time and hold him as often as possible. I still cannot believe what an incredible feeling motherhood truly is, I can’t think of anything that would ever compare to it. I also feel very fortunate that I had what I would consider to be a very easy labor and delivery, but most of all I am so grateful and thankful to God for giving me this perfectly healthy child. Not that I want to, mind you, but if I died tomorrow, I would feel like I had accomplished all I have ever wanted to in life, all that really mattered at least. I am sure some people would think that is a very unambitious and boring attitude to take regarding one’s life but it is the way I feel. This wonderful experience of motherhood is enough for me, at least for now. I guess it’s just that after waiting that long to become pg, after all the heartache and doubt as to whether I would ever conceive, I can’t help but revel in how tremendously wonderful this really is. I only wish that everyone in life were lucky enough to experience it. I am really not sure of all that much in this world but one thing I do know is that all the misery I experienced through our unexplained infertility was well worth my precious reward in the end. Nothing compares to being a mother.
Quick Note to my Son
Dear Sweetie,
You have made me and your father the happiest people in the world, every time I look at you I am reminded of how lucky we are.
I promise that during my lifetime, I will do all I can to care for you and protect you, to teach you about compassion and decency and love. I will show you that it is OK to cry even though you are a man and that the best way to love someone is to show them. I will teach you never to be embarrassed to express your feelings for a person; it takes a strong man to say “I love you,” and mean it.
One day there will come a time when I yell at you because you got mud on the sofa and when that day comes, please remember that I still love you and am not trying to make your life miserable.
When you are a teenager and get pissed off at me for something I did or said and you storm to your room in anger, please don’t yell through the door that you hate me or that you wish I weren’t your mother. It’s not nice and you won’t really mean it. Plus, it would make me cry.
If for any reason you ever feel the need to question my love for you, please know here and now that you are the one thing, the only thing I ever wanted more than life itself. I have waited all my life for these precious moments we now share and there are really no words to express how much I actually do love you. If it helps you to understand, I would give my life for you without even a moment’s consideration.
I don’t even know how old you will be when you read this one day and I hope you will not be embarrassed by what I have written. But as I write, you are lying here on my lap, propped up on my knees, your teeny little hand is on mine as I type, and it is simply the most amazing thing.
Last but not least, no matter what, you will always be my little red sweater boy. I love you honey.
Mommy
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