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September 26, 2001
September 26, 2001
14 weeks pg
Before I start this entry, I would like to say congratulations to Megan M. who is in the final days of her pg - pretty soon, we will surely be hearing of Mitch’s arrival - good luck Megan!
Worry, Worry, Worry
Now that I am officially into my second trimester, you would think that I would be relieved, I have made it past the danger zone. Well, you would be wrong. For the past two days I have been agonizing and WORRYING. Did I ever mention that I am a worrier? This is becoming a nasty little trend with me - every time I have a doctor’s appointment scheduled, approximately 2 days before I am due to go in, I start to worry that everything and anything is wrong. I had my 14 week appointment today and knew beforehand that the OB would be listening for the heartbeat. Though there was absolutely no cause for worry, I feared with every molecule of my being that something was wrong. Of course this past week, I still suffered from m/s, I still was tired, I still had big boobs. Essentially I had no reason whatsoever to think something was wrong. Even today, I still have the lovely remnants of what looks like a heat rash on my forehead but in actuality is a pregnancy-related hormonal surge. Actually, the more I think about it, it looks as though a Braille writer was used to imprint the Declaration of Independence on my forehead. It’s quite a statement.
Doctor’s Visit
Getting back to my story - last night, all night long I twisted and turned, bugged my friends and family and gave myself a stomach ache over what ended up being a completely inconsequential doctor’s visit. And as was to be suspected, I had absolutely nothing to worry about - the appointment was in all respects great. First of all, I met with a different doctor than last time (they alternate doctors to get you familiar with everyone in the practice). This doctor was young, hip and patient - loved her. She took time going over everything with me and answered all my questions as if she had nothing else to do but appease my fears. I must say, that was certainly refreshing. When she put the Doppler to my belly, she didn’t even have to search around for the heartbeat, she heard it immediately and it was loud, rapid and simply beautiful. When I asked what the beats per minute were, she said they were vacillating from the high 140s to 150 BPM. She also added that the range they like to see for a fetal HB at my stage is 120-160 BPM, so she said my HB is very fast and strong - what a RELIEF. So far, this had to be one of the best moments of my pregnancy, second only to seeing the line turn purple.
The other thing I liked about this doctor is that she wholeheartedly supported my decision to not take the AFP test. Charles and I decided we didn’t want to take it, not for fear of a positive test result, but only because of the fear of FALSE positives. When I expressed my reasoning to my doctor, she said that she agreed with me, that she herself opted not to have the test with both of her pgs and that she has seen too many women get false positives only to cause them much unnecessary concern and grief. So - I’m not doing it. God willing, the baby will be fine. Besides, if something were wrong, we probably wouldn’t want to terminate anyway so the only point in getting the test results would be to prepare for a worst case scenario. I agree with many people that preparation may be the best solution, but honestly, it’s just not worth it to me to take the test.
One “unpleasant” part of the visit was my weighing in - I don’t know what I gained and told the nurse beforehand not to tell me unless she thought I needed to be informed. So, she just said “Weight looks good,” and I was on my merry way. Nevertheless, I know that I am gaining, especially in my butt, so just getting on a scale is depressing, even if you don’t see the numbers. I choose not to worry about weight gain now, I feel blessed that I am even able to have a baby and gaining weight during a pg is to be expected. It is certainly not a time to feel sad - as the talented author of The Girlfriends’ Guide to Pregnancy, Vicki Iovine says, “Get over it!”
The nurse also checked my urine which was normal and my blood pressure which was also normal but more elevated than last time. This is odd for me because all my life I have had low blood pressure. However, the nurse explained that since I was so anxious (and nearly upset) over the impending use of the Doppler, she figured that my BP could be elevated due to that.
The next part of this entry is sort of gross, but I want to make sure I remember every detail of this pg, and besides, a lot of what goes on during a pg IS gross - it can’t all be pretty:
The only unfortunate part of the visit, and I don’t know if this ever happens to anyone else, was my overwhelming need to have to do #2 right before the exam - how disgusting is that? I don’t know why I have this “Waiting Room Syndrome,” but for every gynecological exam I have ever had in life it seems, I have always had this “urge” to go before I strip down. So, inevitably what I end up doing is not going because of course I don’t want to go in a public place and I certainly want to be clean for the exam. Instead I just hold it in, of course feeling intense pain the entire time. Without fail, as soon as the exam is over, I don’t have to go anymore. It is a terrible syndrome to have and find it highly ironic that someone as anal retentive as I am would be struck with such a (ahem) “condition.”
After the exam, Charles and I had a late lunch and afterward went shopping for some maternity clothes. We bought this really cute tan jumper at Motherhood but didn’t see anything else that was worth buying.
How I Feel
I hardly feel any different than I did the first trimester. Oh yes, of course I am nowhere nearly as sick as I once was, nor as often, but I do still get sick. So much for that B.S. about the m/s going away the moment the 12-week mark hits - not the case here.
Like I said earlier, my breasts still hurt (somewhat), but only if touched. I still get the occasional headache which is not so bad. I am tired in the mornings but at night I can stay up until midnight without a problem - which would probably explain why mornings are so difficult.
So, while I don’t feel “bad” or anything, I don’t feel nearly anywhere close to 100%, I don’t have the second trimester burst of energy and vitality everyone is always screaming about. In fact, this past Sunday my mom, a friend, Charles and I visited (on foot) the Vietnam Memorial, the Korean Memorial, the FDR Memorial and finished by walking around the Tidal Basin to see the Jefferson Memorial. Let me just say that I was in some serious pain by the end of that little trek. My back had a kink in it so bad, I thought I had slipped a disc. I felt so lethargic, hot and miserable that I found it hard to believe that many women find this to be the best part of their pg. I sometimes worry that if I am this dead on my feet now, at 14 weeks, what the hell lies in store for me at week 30?
I must admit that today was a lot better for me and I felt a hell of a lot less tired and apathetic. I think this is largely due to the severe drop in temperature which has proven to be an absolute dream to me. On Sunday the temp was in the mid-80s, today the temp WAS 60 degrees - big difference for your average individual, ENORMOUS difference for a pg woman, even at my early stage. The crisp, cool air has me feeling rejuvenated like I could walk 10 miles. I also notice that my m/s is never apparent on the cooler days but let it heat up and boy do I suffer.
I Didn’t Believe It Even Though I Felt it
Two days ago I was sitting on the couch calmly, watching television and simply relaxing. After downing a bottle of carrot and orange juice, (completely addictive), I suddenly felt the weirdest sensation, not at all like gas, but sort of like tiny little bubbles popping on my left side, down near my ovary. I dismissed it as having to fart (don’t laugh, we all say the word and we certainly all perform the act), and continued watching the ever-so intellectual Pop-Up Brady.
This morning, while agonizing over what was surely to be my impending appointment of doom, I was sitting at my computer drinking another bottle of this carrot - o.j. combination. Again, I felt the little pop- pop-pop, tap-tap-tap inside. It still felt nothing like gas but almost like a weird vibration. The only way to truly describe the sensation is this: quite often in life, I have had various muscle spasms in either my hand or foot, usually concentrated to a specific area, like my finger. (Before anyone posts on my board to suggest I may have Parkinson’s Disease, you can rest assured, I have already asked my doctor about this and he proceeded to laugh me out of the room). Anyhow, when I get these muscle spasms, they last for about 2 seconds, sort of like an uncontrollable movement of the finger, toe, etc. Well, that is exactly what it felt like inside of me, an uncontrollable spasming of “something” inside. I still didn’t believe that I could feel the baby move that early so I went straight to all my PG books. They all confirmed that fetal movement or “quickening,” can commence as early as 14 weeks. A couple of the books also reported that many women have said that they felt movement after drinking fruit juice. Needless to say, I was dumbstruck. I proceeded then to go through some of the older, completed diaries and noticed, (after much searching), that quite a few women report feeling movement at 14 weeks, some even earlier. Could it just be a coincidence? I asked my doctor and she said that I very well may have felt the movement, especially since I am not overweight. (I think if you are overweight it takes longer to feel the kicks and stuff). Let me just say - what an amazing feeling! And to think I was scared of this sensation for so long. All I could ever picture was that movie “Alien” where the little alien baby implants itself inside the guy’s stomach and then rips out in a spray of blood and gore. Of course, I knew it wouldn’t feel like THAT but still, I thought that maybe the sensation of feeling involuntary movement within me would be creepy - it isn’t.
Charles was telling me that a woman at work was telling him a good way to make your baby move so that you can see it (during the later stages of the pg). What you do is you take a penny, put it in the freezer and then place it on your stomach. Without fail, the baby will kick the penny off your stomach. She said it works every time. I certainly can’t wait to try it.
I will close this week by saying that despite all of what I live and feel every day, I still am in disbelief over my incredibly good fortune. I absolutely cannot wait to hold this little baby in my arms, to care for and nurture it, to love it unconditionally. I also can’t wait to share in this experience with Charles. I cannot wait to see him change a diaper for the first time. I can’t wait to share with him stupid little anecdotes about our baby that will bore others but will enthrall him. Most of all, I can’t wait to see a part of him and a part of me melded into one little being. So often in life when bad things have happened to me, I have asked God what did I ever do to deserve this? Again, I ask Him, what ever did I do to deserve this? However, the tone of my inquiry has shifted from one of desperation to one of gratitude. I certainly cannot even imagine what I could have possibly done to be worthy of such an incredible gift.
Until next week,
Corinne and her Baby
EDD 4-1-02
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