 | Diary Navigation:
|
October 18, 2001
October 18, 2001
17 weeks pg
Hello everyone, hope you all are having a great week. Mine has been interesting, I was close to being straight-jacketed after a little scare but I will get to that in a minute...
How I Look
Stomach is still the same size but again, the breasts are just out of control. I find it hard to believe that pre-pregnancy I was a 32 B cup and that yesterday, after only 17 weeks, I was required to strap on a whopping 38 D. What is the world coming to? Geez - I hope they go back down after I stop breastfeeding..
Skin - horrible. No acne or anything, just dull and lifeless.
Hair - awful. Again, dull and lifeless.
How I Feel
Like a raving insomniac. I simply cannot get to sleep at night. For example, last night I could not sleep at all. I sat on the couch and watched T.V. until 2 am. I slept until 3 am and after getting up to go to the bathroom, was unable to go back to sleep until 8. I got up again at 9 and that was the extent of my sleep for the day. It is now past midnight on the same day and I am wide awake. I don’t get it.
Two days ago, my chest was on fire. Even Charles said that my breasts looked like they would explode. Now, they seem pretty normal again and they hardly hurt. What could this possibly mean? Worry, worry, worry!
Fetal Movement - None. Zilch. Nada. Not a single rat-tat-tat tap. Again - WORRY.
Essentially, all this is to say that I simply didn’t “feel” pg lately. It was bugging me so much today that I finally said “The hell with this, I will never make it to my appointment next week,”(without killing myself), and I called my OB. I spoke with a very nice nurse, told her I didn’t feel “pg” anymore and she told me to come in so they could check the heartbeat. Well, the minute she said this, I felt faint. Faint from not only fear, but faint from hunger because when I called, I was just about ready to fix my dinner. Since I had to rush to get to my doctor’s because they were on the verge of closing, I grabbed a bag of Skittles and a Snickers from our Halloween stash and wolfed them down on the way. I also thought that perhaps the sugar jolt would “wake” the baby and make him/her kick. What a stupid move that was.
Well, I get to the doctor’s office and I’m feeling pretty OK, knowing that chances are the baby is all right and that there is nothing to worry about. Charles was stuck in traffic coming home from work, so he couldn’t be there. That sort of made me a little nervous, but other than that, I was really all right. The nurse called me in almost immediately, and was very soothing and comforting. She told me that it is natural to worry and that they didn’t mind a bit my coming in at the last minute, which I thought was sweet. Anyhow, the nurse spread the gel on my stomach and put the Doppler to my skin. Immediately, I heard a heartbeat and became happy. The nurse was like, “OK, there’s YOUR heartbeat, now where is the baby’s?” This is where Corinne becomes hysterical and the official meltdown began. I am not sure but I think I nearly screamed, “YOU CAN’T FIND THE HEARTBEAT?!?!?!?!?” All I could think at that point was how I KNEW this would happen to me and how my life was over and how I should just give up and then the nurse said, “Now Corinne, don’t get upset, just be patient, it may take a little time. The problem is YOUR heartbeat is so strong and loud, it is probably overshadowing the baby’s - gosh, your heart is pounding...what did you eat?”
That’s where I told her I had Skittles and a Snickers bar just before arriving. She laughs and said no wonder my heart was beating (and no wonder I can’t fall asleep now). Of course, being hysterical didn’t help matters either. So, after about a minute or two and after much searching around, the nurse went down to the very lowest part of my abdomen and found the baby’s heartbeat, loud and strong! The nurse said she didn’t know the BPM because this particular Doppler didn’t give the readout, but she said it was very strong and fast. I kept asking her if she was SURE and she kept reassuring me that yes, she has listened to 1000s of heartbeats and that mine was “perfect.” Ahhhhhhh, SIGH OF RELIEF!!!!!! The baby was way down on my right side (where I always felt the taps) and the cutest part of all was that every time the nurse would put the Doppler over the baby, it would “get upset” and scoot away. Apparently, my baby doesn’t like the Doppler and probably was very annoyed with me for bothering him/or her from his deep slumber. I can hear him/her already “Thanks Mom, first you damn near poison me with sugar overload and now you make this nurse poke me while I’m trying to catch a nap- thanks A LOT!!!!”
: ) The nurse then told me that all I was feeling, (or not feeling, as the case may be), is perfectly natural and that I shouldn’t worry. She said it is totally normal for your breast pain to come and go and to not feel any fetal movement for days this early in the pg.
Needless to say, I nearly skipped back to my car in a complete state of glee. As soon as I was in the car, I called Charles still stuck in traffic to let him know all was OK. Naturally, he was panic-stricken thanks to my neuroses and grateful that I had reassured him. When I got back home (I only live 2 miles away from the office), I felt so guilty about the malnutrition I had imposed on my unborn child, I ate a bowl of peas, some chicken and some fruit cocktail to compensate.
The moral of this story is, thank God I did not rent the Baby Beat Doppler myself. If I had rented it and had not been able to locate the heartbeat, I would never have made it to the doctor’s office, I would have probably just sunken into a catatonic heap for Charles to deal with upon his arrival. I think for now it is best for me to just leave the “doctoring” to those who actually practice medicine, and not to some neurotic freak like me.
My goal for the remainder of this pg is to calm down, even just a LITTLE bit. I swear, if I don’t watch out, they will be coming after me with a net pretty soon.
They’ll Have a Great Dad
The other night Charles and I were discussing positive reinforcement of a child’s self image and how we would always do our best to make sure that our child always felt like it was a “beautiful person” no matter what. We want our child to know that it is not important what they actually look like or what others think of their appearance, just that our child feels good about him or herself DESPITE whatever temporary or permanent flaws they may have. I asked Charles what he would therefore say to our awkward 13 year old girl with a pimply face, braces and baby fat, who is lamenting the fact that she will never get invited to the 8th grade dance. Charles’ answer is what made me realize he will be a tremendous father. He said, “I would tell my daughter constantly what a real beauty she is, 1) because to me she always will be a beauty and 2) because if I don’t let her know every day how great she is, she will seek that affection and attention from the first loser who comes along. I don’t want to swell her head, but I have to make sure that she understands and believes that she is something special, both physically and intellectually. If I don’t, some piece of s--- will pay her one lousy compliment and she will forever be hooked to him even if he treats her like dirt. I need her to feel good about herself and worthy of whatever good comes her way, not like some guy is doing her a favor.”
I don’t know but I thought that was pretty insightful. Of course, next week I will have to pose the question in a boy-related fashion. I assume the answer will be similar, but instead of telling our son he is beautiful, perhaps Charles will tell him he is a good athlete, despite the fact he may throw a ball like a girl. Who knows? Doesn’t matter really, we just want to make sure they never feel cut down or ashamed of who they are. We really want them to know how much we love them, how proud we are of them, how much we wanted and waited (not-so-patiently) for them. All I know is that our child is going to have a great Dad, I just hope I can be an equally great Mom. I certainly had a wonderful role model.
Until next week,
Corinne and her baby
EDD 4-1-02
 |  |
|
want to keep a diary on iParenting?
Authoring a diary on the iParenting network allows you to chronicle your family's story, preserving it for years to come. It's also a great way to get the most out of the iParenting community. Click here to start...
|
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families. 
