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May 20, 2004
Here I go, I have less than 7 weeks or so left until delivery and I have several concerns and worries.
First of all, all I know is having a girl, I had a sister and a mom and a dad and two grandmothers, no uncles, no cousins, no brothers, so the thought of having a boy is a little scary. On top of that Marc is also moving out soon after Josh is born (or that was the plan, more on that later) and so even if he wasn't around to help out with diapers and emotional support he could at least look at the baby's organs and tell me if it looked ok or whatever. The thought of being a single parent to two children is scary but then again not really. Other than financially I have been a single parent ever since Allie was born in October 2000, Marc has never been a father to her, he loves her and she of course loves him but he rarely spends time with her and when he does its to take her to his friends house so she can play with his friends son, he never takes her to the park, or attends gymnastics or just plays with her. I get her ready in the morning, take her to daycare, work a full day at work and then pick her up, clean, play with her, feed/bathe/love her and then read her stories, tuck her in and rub her back. Being 33 weeks pregnant and high risk it is not an easy day for me, and then I can't sleep. AHHHHHHH So anyhoo, I know that I can do it, it will be hard and it has been hard but the rewards pay off day after day after day, she would rather be with me and the fact that we have such a special bond. Seeing her smiling face and receiving my "cookie" kisses is all worth it.
The divorce, I probably should haver filed for divorce already BUT I am so stressed out with the pregnancy, trying to figure out where to live, tring to find a roommate (or not) and all that stuff. We are going to try and "Do it ourselves" whatever that means, as far as household items there are few things that he really want, which is good for me so there is little or no fighting over that. Financially is a little tougher. Daycare for two kids is going to be 1200.00 per month, so we are each left with half. For me 600.00 on top of 1200.00 rent will give me 200.00 for gas, groceries, electric/gas/water/phone, not to mention anything like ohhh clothes and shoes, diapers and formula. So I am hoping that I will get more than 600.00 in child support, that way I could pay my half of the daycare and hopefully will be able to pay for everything else by myself.
Housing, currently we are renting a 3 bedroom house (2000 sq ft) for 1650.00 per month, The lease is not over so Marc moved into the spare room and that has worked out ok. I have been trying to find a roomie possibly with a child Allie's age to rent the spare out to so I could stay, and FINALLY I may have found the right one, a teacher in allies school, no kids, and allie loves her!!!!! The downside is she can pay 400.00 and even with the discount from my landlord to have me stay I will still have to pay 1150.00 plus utilities, and she wants to move in right away. I need to talk to marc and figure out if he is willing to move out now, I am going on disability so will still need him to pay allies daycare and help out with rent, although it will be less since the teacher will be paying 400.00 until I return to work and then we will have to re- think the support thing
I hope he will say yes, It will cut down on his commute and I am pretty sure he is dying to move out.
I am sorry this was so long.
Hugs to all,
I would love for you to talk to me!
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