I knew I was ovulating last night. I knew last month too. I’ve tuned into the whole experience. I can actually, physically, feel it now that I’ve taken the time to try. It feels like a small ache, a slight pull in the womb. It feels like an emptiness, a faint and distant urge to be filled… I suppose that’s the biological ‘feeling’ that keeps the human race multiplying - if you feel the urge to be filled, then the logical response is sex, and if you have sex when you’re ovulating then it may very well perpetuate the human race nine months down the track…

I remember reading once that planning to make a baby can give sex a juicy, conspiratorial quality that can heighten the enjoyment of the act. Well, not so for us. It was the most nervous, odd, weird and functional sex I think we’ve ever had. We were so incredibly nervous!! We couldn’t relax enough to enjoy it, we were too AWARE of the possible consequences and totally unsure we were doing the right thing.

But despite the nerves and the weirdness surrounding the whole event, we did actually manage to do the deed - much to my shock and surprise! I expected to feel some sort of "destiny" surrounding the event - you know, a feeling that this was meant to be, that fate was playing a hand, that the moment of conception was preordained. It didn’t feel like that at all! In fact, I think that’s why I felt so nervous and weird about the whole thing - it was as though we were taking God’s powers into our own little hands, it felt like JK and I, alone and unadvisedly, were making an arbitrary decision to bring another life into the world… alone in the Universe… (And that was a weird feeling for me because I do believe in things like fate and destiny and intuition; I like the idea that there is a greater power out there somewhere guiding and protecting us…)

So, anyway, if having unprotected sex when you’re ovulating counts for anything, I’m in with a pretty good chance of being - becoming -pregnant. Although this is the VERY FIRST TIME we’ve had unprotected sex, and the truth is, even though you’re supposed to do it often to give yourself the best chance of falling, I doubt JK and I will be rushing out to repeat last night’s assignation in a hurry. So this "lets-make-a-baby" sex appears like it’ll be a one-off event for us…well, at least until next month…

But my guess is it doesn’t matter. I already feel pregnant - yes, only 12 hours after the event! It honestly feels like there’s a very busy factory down there. I feel lots of activity - lots of small twinges and flutters. I know it sounds weird but I suppose if you can tune into the physical feeling of ovulation, then it stands to reason that you’d notice if suddenly there were cells furiously multiplying down there as well. It seems crazy to me that something so huge could happen to your body and you wouldn’t know.

But I didn’t have any really intense dreams last night. Well, none that I remember. If I’d conceived last night I felt sure I would’ve had some sort of revealing dream. I’m renowned for having premonitory dreams. And I would've expected one then - a visitation from the soul of the child I’d conceived perhaps - well, maybe that’s asking too much!

But poor JK. The whole event must’ve been a bit too much for him because he tossed and turned and was up and about, unable to sleep, for most of the night. He said he felt restless, nauseous…

And yes, it isn’t surprising considering IT IS A BIG THING WE HAVE DONE!

Until next time,
All the best with whatever you’re doing today.
Eloise