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Home › Diaries › Eloise › March 19, 1999

Eloise's Diary Entries

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March 19, 1999


Now I’m really doubtful about my ‘so-called’ pregnancy. I bought a pregnancy test at the supermarket today and I’m considering doing it tomorrow morning but I’m scared. I’m scared that it will be negative and all my instincts and feelings will be proven untrustworthy, a weird figment of my longing and imagination. I don’t feel any symptoms today - which doesn’t ease my doubt - no achy breasts, nothing! I don’t feel tired, I don’t feel sick. And when I looked at my breasts in the mirror I’m not at all convinced that they are bigger or different in any way.

And I just did a tarot reading which I can usually swear by. There was nothing relevant in it (except The Wheel of Fortune). I expected it would confirm or deny my pregnancy. Nothing.

So anyway, I think I will do the test tomorrow morning. Morning urine is best and it’s a Saturday so JK will be home to share the news with me…either way…

The only thing that gives me any continuing sense of hope is the fact that the pregnancy test kit I bought at the supermarket (unbeknown to me until I opened it to read the instructions) has "pink" markings to tell if you’re positive or not - a dot to confirm the test worked, and a line if you’re in the club. The pregnancy test I did in my dream the other day had two pink dots on it and I was positive. Could it be a sign?

Eloise
- waiting until tomorrow…



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