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Eloise's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 12/2/99 -------------------- 11/28/99 11/24/99 11/20/99 11/17/99 11/10/99 11/3/99 10/26/99 10/20/99 10/13/99 10/6/99 10/4/99 9/28/99 9/15/99 9/9/99 9/2/99 8/26/99 8/19/99 8/5/99 7/30/99 7/16/99 7/6/99 5/14/99 5/14/99 5/7/99 4/27/99 4/15/99 4/8/99 3/25/99 3/20/99 3/19/99 3/18/99 3/12/99 3/9/99 3/4/99 -------------------- Eloise's Introduction

July 6, 1999

I’M BACK!!!!

After seven weeks away I finally arrived home a few days ago. It is such a wonderful relief to be home. I enjoyed the time away - the weather was great, it was a nice break, some quality "alone" time for JK and I, but it sure feels good to be home.

As you may have surmised, I didn’t have access to the Internet while I was away so I apologise for any interested readers who’ve been patiently awaiting up-dates. And thanks to everyone who left messages for me while I was away - it was fantastic to hear from you all. I received some lovely comments.

So, on the pregnancy front I have some major up-dating to do. I am now almost 20 weeks pregnant! WOW! My belly has become a little bit rounded, my size 12 flares just fit and I am constantly poked and prodded by the little being in my belly. I felt my first movements at 17 weeks and it’s been pretty hectic since then. I’ve been joking to JK that we may have a future gymnast on our hands - it seems like a really active baby to me, not that I have anything to compare it too - lots of somersaulting and wiggling seems to be going on just below my belly-button. JK finds it hilarious and he likes to be constantly up-dated on when the baby moves and kicks and wriggles. He’s always trying to feel the kicks by placing his hand on my tummy but so far he’s only felt it once. As for me, feeling the baby move is both comforting and also totally weird. I’m finding it hard to feel a little being moving in my belly but not be able to visualise it at all, not knowing "who" it is.

And the other day I had a really freaky dream. I dreamt that the baby was just below a layer of my skin, and I could see it moving through my skin. It was thrashing around, pulling my skin this way and that, and I was trying to stroke it’s spine and comfort it but it looked up at me and screamed. It was pretty disturbing. But my sister-in-law (who has two kids of her own) assures me it’s perfectly normal to have lots of really weird dreams during pregnancy, so I’m trying not to let it bother me.

So I’m booked in for my first ultrasound this week. I didn’t have one earlier because the doctor at the hospital assured me everything seemed normal and that it wasn’t necessary. Unfortunately JK has had to go interstate for some follow-up work for two weeks and is going to miss it. I’ll have it videotaped but I wish he could be there to hold my hand. I’m a little bit afraid that the ultrasound will freak me out. Last week the doctor let me listen to the baby’s heartbeat amplified as he ran a device over my belly and even that freaked me out. It was a fast little heartbeat, within the normal range, but it sounded totally alien with amplification. I’m a little bit queasy about these things - it was totally weird to realise there was another heart beating inside me.

So both JK and I want to know the sex of the baby if they can find out during the ultrasound. I had a feeling during the first few months that it was a boy. But I’ve had two dreams lately that it’s a girl and even JK had a dream that we had a baby girl. I’m a great believer in the prophetic power of dreams (having had lots that’ve come true in the past), so I’m changing my mind and beginning to believe that it’s a baby girl. This might be good because at least we’re in agreement over girl’s names, not so over boys.

We’re not telling anyone what names we’re considering. Mainly because we favour weird names that most people would probably find "wacky" so we’d rather not hear everyone’s opinions. I have a girlfriend who still regrets not calling her first son Leon because everyone she told poo-hoo-ed it and turned her off it. I really don’t want that to happen to us. So it’ll be a big surprise for everyone.

I still haven’t quite got around to telling everyone I’m pregnant yet. Most of the family knows but I still haven’t told all my friends. Pathetic isn’t it? I don’t know why but I’m really not keen on telling people. I’m not ready for all the varying reactions. I’m not ready for my body and all it’s in's and out's to become public knowledge and public property. But they’ll all find out sooner or later. They probably already think I’m getting a bit plump, and soon I won’t be able to hide my burgeoning belly.

JK is getting very excited about the baby. He loves looking at baby things in the shops and can’t wait to buy a baby sling so he can carry it around on his chest. I remember once, a few weeks ago, when we were sitting in bed watching the telly, he turned to me and said, "I can’t wait to see what our baby looks like." It was really, really sweet. And another night, in similar circumstances, he turned to me and said, "I’m really gonna love this bubby." He must be one of the sweetest men alive and I can’t wait to see him with the baby. I know he’ll be an absolutely fantastic, very hands-on dad. This is really important to me, as I do struggle (as you know by now) with my own doubts and uncertainties.

But I must admit, after the doubts and ambivalence of the first trimester, I’m feeling much more comfortable about the whole thing now. Most of the niggling nausea and mood swings of that early stage have vanished, I’m just left with severe reflux and a very constricted diet. But I feel good about the baby most of the time, and I’m happier about being pregnant, enjoying my growing belly, and feel much more at peace with all the changes going on. I know I’ll really love the baby once it pops out, I’m just struggling with the fact that I can’t see it or picture it or imagine who it is, and yet it’s growing inside me, deep in my belly. It really is a weird thing, this pregnancy caper.

Anyway, I’m really raving on today. It’s time I signed off. That basically up-dates the pregnancy progress. I hope everyone reading is having a great day. I’ll try my best to respond to any messages left for me from here on in.

Until next time,
All the best,
Eloise