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Eloise's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 12/2/99 -------------------- 11/28/99 11/24/99 11/20/99 11/17/99 11/10/99 11/3/99 10/26/99 10/20/99 10/13/99 10/6/99 10/4/99 9/28/99 9/15/99 9/9/99 9/2/99 8/26/99 8/19/99 8/5/99 7/30/99 7/16/99 7/6/99 5/14/99 5/14/99 5/7/99 4/27/99 4/15/99 4/8/99 3/25/99 3/20/99 3/19/99 3/18/99 3/12/99 3/9/99 3/4/99 -------------------- Eloise's Introduction

October 6, 1999

WOW, 33 weeks.

The countdown is well and truly on. I have stuck a white board on our fridge door and I’ve written in big letters “7 weeks, 1 day to go” and will count down the days from here on in. It’s a bit of a reminder, a bit of a reality check – the nearness and the enormity of “the big day” really hasn’t sunk in yet. And I’m beginning to think that maybe it should.

I was reading a book on child development last night – I’ve finally got around to buying one – and suddenly turned to hubby and said, “Do you think it’s weird that we’re not doing anything to prepare for labour? Shouldn’t we be doing something?”

He’s logical but scary reply was, “Like what?”

And my honest but even scarier reply was, “I don’t know.”

In our antenatal classes our preparation has been minimal. I had images of a whole bunch of pregnant women lolling around on beanbags with their husbands coaching them to “breath, pant, relax,” whatever. We’ve done none of that. Nothing. Zilch. Zipo.

Now the BIG DAY is drawing ever closer I’m wondering if I shouldn’t be doing some kind of preparation? I don’t exactly know what. I have no birth plan. All I know is that if the pain gets too bad I can ask for an epidural. Is that all there is? Is that preparation enough? Have I got my head stuck in the sand? Should I be doing something?

I’m a bit worried because my husband and I have this not-very-effective way of dealing with stressful situations. Don’t get me wrong, in every other way we get on famously. This failure to react compatibly to stressful situations is the one chink in our armour. I get very touchy and very irritable, and he gets very quiet and very passive. The more passive he gets, the more irritable and snappish I get. The more irritable and snappish I get, the more afraid he is too offer any kind of intervention and the more I desperately crave it. It goes on… and on… it becomes a vicious circle.

So I’m a bit worried that during labour we won’t make a very good team. We’ll be reacting in our usual, incompatible ways and the whole thing will become worse than it should be. I guess I’m afraid that my husband won’t be able to support me in the way I might need it. And I’m also worried about how helpless and passive he might feel during the whole ordeal. And I so want it to be a positive experience -- not a nightmarish one. I guess I’m trying to work out/ think about useful ways in which he might be able to help during the event – but how on earth am I supposed to second guess this? How on earth am I supposed to know how I’ll feel/ what help I’ll need during such an ordeal? How can I prepare myself and my husband?

Well, you can see that I haven’t got any answers at the moment. I just feel that I want this birth-thing to be a shared experience, one that brings us together, something we accomplish together. I don’t want it to be a horrible, horrifying experience we both want to forget. I want it to be magical, special, a day of high excitement that we will forever remember as we welcome our first baby into the world.

Am I asking too much?

Until next week,

Eloise