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January 6, 2002
21 weeks
I Hate Waiting~
As you can tell from my tagline, I am MORE than anxious to have my ultrasound on Tuesday. I'm not a really patient person when it comes to surprises and stuff like that. Yes, I snoop for my presents and if I know that Mark has something for me or to tell me, I make him tell me right then. So needless to say, waiting to find out if I am having a boy or a girl is about to drive me nuts. Now my whole pregnancy hasen't been this hard on me, just the past week. I guess just because I know that my appointment is getting closer. :-) It really is exciting to be pregnant again and it's really starting to hit me that we will have another little one in the house. My baby is almost 4 years old now. So it has been a while since I've had to get up through the night to breastfeed my baby. Speaking of breastfeeding, that is another thing that I just cannot wait for. I can remember how special it was just knowing that even though my baby was no longer inside of me, I could still feed her/him. The bond that is created is so precious and I'm looking forward to it all over again. My plan is to B/F this baby for as long as possible or until he/she is 1 year old.
My Changing Body~
In the few weeks just since Christmas, my belly has gotten much bigger. I am really getting to that "rounded" stage instead of just a little pooch. The baby is no longer just fluttering around in there, but now hits me with BIG punches and kicks. No complaining from here though, it's the greatest feeling in the world. Ahhhhhh creating life....what a blessing! My breasts are certainly getting bigger as well. I went and bought a Maternity Bra the other day and it's so comfortable. But I think I'm going to have to break down and buy some Maternity underwear as well. Uck! These regular ones just wont due anymore ;-/
What will life be like~
In my many hours a day, lying on my couch feeling my baby move, I have wondered just what life will be like with a new baby. I can remember the week that I brought Autumn and Gabriel home and how different life was instantly! I cried from happiness for over a week and was overwhelmed for so many reasons. They were what I had wanted all my life and here they were FINALLY. Then my life changed once again when I brought Matthew home from the hospital. I walked in the door and watched Autumn and Gabe crawl up onto the couch to look at their new brother. I leaned over and started bawling like a baby, realizing that life once again, would never be the same.
I am certain that this is how it will be when I bring this baby home. I will never again have three children to watch after, but four. The whole concept thrills me to no end and I have no fear whatsoever. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted a family more than anything. With this new baby our family will be complete. I have this feeling that when I am able to look into my new child's eyes, it will help to heal the pain of my losses. Not that this child will ever or could ever take the place of the two babies I lost.....but I will feel so blessed to finally hold my baby, after all I've gone through. This child will be my last and although I feel a bit sad about it, I am more happy about it all. I feel truly blessed to have been able to be pregnant at all. In my eyes there is nothing greater than being a mother. It's my most awesome accomplishment and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Two days left until I find out what my baby is? Can I stand the wait? Sure I can! Afterall, this baby will be here before I know it and two days certainly wont matter any more. :-)
Take care and I'll post again in two days~
Jennifer
Due~ May 19th
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