Most stepchildren long to have a good relationship with their stepparent and want to feel loved, accepted and included in his or her family life. Telling your 3-year-old stepson about your pregnancy needs to be done with sensitivity and regard both for his own potential feelings of displacement and his mother's feelings about her ex-husband starting a new family.

I would suggest that as soon as possible you and his father should sit down together and that his father should tell him that "In the summer/fall we will have a baby who will be your baby brother/sister." The conversation is not likely to last long as, even if you are beginning to show, the idea of a baby growing in your body is a little hard for him to grasp. Telling him at the beginning of a weekend together will give him the chance to ask questions if he has any and be reassured that, despite the "news," life appears to go on normally in your house. If he is just toilet trained now, there is little likelihood of him losing that skill when the baby is born, even if he does regress in other ways.

It is important to make sure his mother is told the news by his father and that she knows when her son is being told so he is not the bearer of "Guess what?” tidings when he returns to his other home. If relations are amicable she can be told the week before he comes to see you. If they are hostile, wait until he has arrived with you for his weekend and tell her then, so that emotions the news raises have time to cool before he returns to her house.

Don't worry too much about regression. Some children are more prone than others. The less you make your stepson feel competitive for attention with the new baby the better. During the pregnancy you are likely to be more full of concerns than he is. Will you be able to love your stepson as much as your own child? How will your husband feel about each? Will the new baby cement your relationship or divide allegiances? These are all really important questions to talk about with your husband before the baby arrives and when your stepson is not around.

In the months ahead enjoy the time you have with your stepson before your attention is divided. While it's true some children regress, don't underestimate his competence and the strength of the relationship you have built up with him. Life will be different after the baby comes but enjoy the adventure!! Good luck.

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