Girls at this age are more self-conscious about their bodies. Their breasts are developing; their hips are filling out; their waste lines are thickening. These changes are anxiety-provoking and are associated with more body focus and dissatisfaction. Your daughter will likely weather this stressful time quite well and her interests will turn to other things likely to increase your stress level (like boys!). It sounds like you are doing everything right by emphasizing inner beauty. There's more you can do, though.

One of the realities of our times is that we live in a society where women and girls are constantly bombarded by glamorized images of women who are well below a healthy body weight. Girls see these images everywhere: on television, in magazines their mothers buy, on magazine covers at the grocery store, etc. It is a persuasive and pervasive process of making girls and women feel inadequate and fixated about their appearance. So as women we must all work for our children to counter all of that brainwashing.

Here are some things you can do for your daughter. Don't keep glamour magazines around because it sets up impossible standards. Don't talk about dieting with your friends. Discuss politics, entertainment, family, fun, anything but dieting! Have family meals where everyone eats the same food (i.e., don't eat a salad while your kids eat a full-course meal). Don't shy away from the camera. In fact, mug for it!

Enough of the don'ts. Here are some Do's! Accept compliments with a big "Thank you," especially when they're about how you look. Appreciate your looks by nodding with satisfaction at the mirror. Enjoy the way you look in a swimsuit (that's a stretch for a lot of us!). You're modeling body acceptance. Make comments to your daughter about how much you admire another woman's confidence, intelligence, sense of humor, etc. Feel and act beautiful yourself! As you can see, one of the most important ways we can help our girls feel confident and secure with themselves is by modeling it. Be aware of the subtle messages you send.

It's not really possible for you to make your daughter see that she's thin if she doesn't see it already. You can help her with her confidence, however. Continue complimenting her as you're already doing. Encourage her to acknowledge her accomplishments and feel proud of herself. Promote her involvement in extracurricular activities. I especially like to see girls learn to sing because they learn to feel such power and strength in their vocal chords. Talk with her to make sure that she is not hiding problems or anxieties. So many girls focus on appearance because that is less stressful than acknowledging uncomfortable emotions. Make sure that she is well aligned with friends. Encourage her to express her opinions and feelings even if they are negative. Please be sure that she is within her healthy weight range if you have any concerns that she is too thin. Her pediatrician can show you a height/weight graph and explain where she should be. If your pediatrician expresses concerns about her small size, ask for a referral for to someone who specializes in eating disorders. Please don't let this last suggestion panic you. I just want you to have information to decide what is in the best interest of your child.

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