Dear Parent,

I can understand why Ashlei?s lies are so troubling to you. We know that all children lie on occasion for a variety of reasons. Hopefully, they outgrow their impulse to fabricate and learn to respect the truth. Ashlei?s lies are very serious. There is an angry quality inherent in all of them. She accuses her father of physical abuse, admits to hostile impulses towards mother, and is being abusive to herself by restricting caloric intake. This latter situation is also a way of silently expressing anger to parents because children know how much parents want them to eat.

I suspect that you are correct in Ashlei?s motivation for lying. It may well be that she feels displaced by her father?s new family. It is so unfortunate that she cannot voice her insecurities about the new family and find more appropriate ways of getting attention. These two topics would be very valuable points of discussion in your talks with Ashlei. Try to encourage her to process her feelings regarding sharing her father and her anger at not getting so much attention. Be sympathetic and validate her feelings. Help her make the connections between her actions (lying) and her feelings. Encourage her to share her feelings with those with whom she is angry. Sometimes these simple expressions of emotion are enough to stop the negative behaviors. Also, help Ashlei find her new place in the family constellation. Suggest ways that she can carve out a special place for herself. Encourage identity-building experiences separate from her family life, as well, such as participation in sports, clubs, and social activities.

There need to be consequences for her lying. Groundings and restrictions from favorite activities are good consequences. I have no favorite books on this subject. I suggest you visit your local bookstore and have them run a check on all books on lying. If Ashlei?s lying continues even after your interventions, therapy may be in order.