I can understand how distressing these thoughts must be to you and your husband. I would suggest that NOW is the time to do something about how you are feeling, instead of waiting until after the baby is born. In the middle of a pregnancy, or any crisis, expecially when you are feeling so depressed and unhappy, it is wise to not make any major decisions, like putting the baby up for adoption, or more serious and concerning to me, having feelings of hurting yourself. Hurting yourself is not an option here. This is not something to consider making a decision about. I cannot emphasize this enough!

This is an emergency. You need to get help as soon as you can for these feelings; either by going to your family doctor, your ob-gyn, or a psychiatrist or psychologist, and being very honest with them about how you have been feeling. If you can, take your husband with you. Some feelings of depression and conflict about how you feel about the baby may be normal during a pregnancy, either due to things that are going on your life, feelings about the baby, or a biological cause. All of these need to be considered and examined at some time. However, when your feelings are so extreme, they go beyond a simple depression or case of the "blues" and need to be addressed by you and a professional as soon as possible.

What you are writing about is not a postpartum depression. This occurs after the baby is born and can set in as early as three weeks afterwards. However, if you experience depression during the pregnancy, it can become more severe immediately after the baby's birth.

Even though I may be sounding like an alarmist, the situation you are experiencing is not hopeless and there is definitely help available to you right now. This may include medication, particularly antidepressants, which you can take during the pregnancy. Or a combination of medication and counselling. Most likely, this might help you the most. Marital counselling may also take some of the stress off of both of you. During that time, you might also receive some practical assistance as to how to deal with your 3-year-old.

Most importantly, do not try and fool yourself that these feelings you are having will just "go away" on their own. What is happening to you and what you are feeling are very serious.

Please share this response with your husband and let us know how things are going for you and what you are doing to get the help you need.

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